Continuity Error!

Movin' on up (and away)!

2007-06-29T04:39:00.000-05:00

Just to let you know, I'm moving the blog over to continuityerror.com, where it will be powered by Wordpress instead of blogger. The new RSS feed is here.

The new site needs some serious work, especially in the design department, but I am currently making some new content, so I thought I'd let people know where they can get more Continuity Error.

The Three Types of Fans

2007-06-27T18:33:00.000-05:00

The way I see it, there are three types of comic book fans.* There are those who read comics because they enjoy the medium, those who read because they like superheroes, and then there are those who are more concerned with collecting rather than actually reading anything.

Fans of the Medium: These people love comics because there is just something about them fundamentally that appeals to them. These are the people who only use "graphic novel" instead of "comic book." They've read Understanding Comics more than once. They have also read at least half of Reinventing Comics. Their pull lists always include Y: The Last Man or The Walking Dead, or both if they know that's good for them. They read some superhero comics, but they often restrict this habit to those written by Grant Morrison, Brian K. Vaughan and Niel Gaiman. They may not have read many Batman comics, but they can tell you exactly why Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns is the quintessential Batman story. They also tend to be suckers for the Marvel Essentials line, in that they can get a motherload of comic for very little money, regardless of whether the stories are at all tolerable. Despite their obvious faults, these fans do have one thing going for them: when they bring a date home, they don't need to hide their collection of hardcovers, indie graphic novels and critically acclaimed manga.

Superhero Fans: These fans read almost nothing but superhero comics. They enjoy rich, and often times ridiculous, mythologies attached to their favorite characters. The best of them can name off at least ten members of the Legion of Super-Heroes. The problem they have is that anti-intellectualism seems to run wild in their ranks. They don't bother reading non-superhero comics because they think they don't like "smart comics" or "comics that make you think," even though I've told them to read It's A Bird a hundred times because I know they will love it! They also tend to get excited about things that are clearly stupid, just because they involve superheroes, like shitty movies or breakfast cereals.

The Collectors: Out of the three, these are the guys I just cannot understand. Rather than being a distinct group from the previous two, Collectors are a mutation of the Medium Fan and the Superhero Fan. Rather than buying comics to read them, Collectors buy them to have them. To see one, just wait at any comic shop on a Wednesday and wait for a guy to walk in with two dozen pre-boarded bags. Watch them grab every comic from every major publisher (regardless of quality or demographic) and place those comics neatly in the bags. Either these people are all rich or they still live with their parents, because it is insane how much money they drop on comics each week.

Of course, I'm not saying that people can't be a little of each, a lover of the medium and a superhero nerd. It's sort of like being gay or straight: it just depends on where in the spectrum to fall on. But in the case of Collectors, it's basically just sex addiction.

*Please note that I am restricting my generalizations to the American comics scene. I'm sure that the dynamics are different in other countries, especially Japan, where mainstream comics are more diverse.

I just noticed this in the Marvel Sept solicitations

2007-06-26T07:43:00.001-05:00

ESSENTIAL PUNISHER VOL. 2 TPB
Written by MIKE BARON, ROGER SALICK, ELIOT R. BROWN & ANN NOCENTI
Penciled by KLAUS JANSON, DAVID ROSS, WHILCE PORTACIO, MARK TEXEIRA, MIKE VOSBURG, ELIOT R. BROWN & JOHN ROMITA JR.
Cover by KLAUS JANSON
Mobsters, terrorists, neo-Nazis, religious fanatics, armored killers; no one's too tough for the Punisher! Follow the trail of blood as Frank Castle's war on crime takes him across the country, south of the border, back to school and Down Under! Plus: The Man With Lots Of Guns vs. the Man Without Fear in a crossover with Daredevil! And who will live and die when the Punisher leads what might be the world's shortest-lived crime-fighting team against the Kingpin of Crime? With Typhoid Mary and a cameo by the
X-Men! Collecting PUNISHER #1-20 and ANNUAL #1, and DAREDEVIL #257

I love you again, Marvel.

Checking in...

2007-06-23T22:07:00.000-05:00

Just letting you know I'm not dead yet.

Wow, it's only been a month since I last blogged. Let me think what's new in my life...

-I'm still tired of superhero comics. The only superhero comics I buy currently are World War Hulk, Batman, and Runaways (which now has a very Weadonesque release schedule). The rest I just download. I know, it's awful of me, but the major American publishers just aren't putting out much of anything I see worth putting money down for.

-The death of Bart Allen pisses me off. Not because I liked him, but rather I'm just sick and tired of characters being killed in order to a) drum up sales and b) get them out of the way without having to com up with something more creative. Death has become boring in comic books, and therefor there is very little at stake.

-I've been looking into manga lately. I used to think it was all lame but it's really kind of cool if you find the right stuff for you. This book by Paul Gravett is a really good introduction to the stuff. Astro Boy is neat, although a little too kiddie for me. Death Note is awesome, as is Battle Angel Alita. Rorouni Kenshin isn't bad. Golgo 13 is fun. Hellsing, on the other hand, is terrible.

-Oh, and I started up a satirical blog called The Fandamentalist. It's basically me doing to comics what the Cobert Report does to politics. I must be really cynical right now. It's a secret that the Fandamentalist is a joke, so don't tell anyone it's me or else I won't get anymore angry comments.

-Time for me to go to bed and cuddle up with a nice manga.

The Joker revealed

2007-05-21T06:48:00.000-05:00

Soon after beginning the viral marketing campaign attached to The Dark Knight, the upcoming sequel to Batman Begins, Warner Bros has released an official photograph of Heath Ledger's Joker by way of ibelieveinharveydenttoo.com.

That is incredible. Of course, I wonder what parents' groups will think of such a grotesque and fundamentally violent character in what they still believe is a francise of "children's movies."

And I'm sure that the internet is tearing at the seams with fans complaining about how this is "not the real Joker" (as if there is real Joker at all) and already claiming to boycott the film. For me, the grisly, no-holds-barred approach to the Joker is perfect and will fit neatly into the new Batman film continuity.

But, I am afraid I will start thinking I'm watching Ichi the Killer at times.

Mary Jane is not a supermodel, Mr. Hodges.

2007-05-18T05:28:00.000-05:00

Until now I have kept my blog shut on this ridiculous Mary Jane statue issue, but after this statement by Tom Hodges, defending the statue's design, I couldn't keep quiet. What really stood out to me was this part:

If you're upset she's not portraying MJ like Dunst in the movies... then you obviously have no idea who the MJ character really is. She's a supermodel, not some whiny waive thin tone deaf little girl. She's supposed to be stacked.

Here's the deal: Mary Jane is not a supermodel. She is a fictional character who was written as a supermodel for a small time, but she does not in any way resemble an actual supermodel. In fact, other than plus size models and Trya Banks, most supermodels are "whiny, waif-thin little girls."

This is Kate Moss. This is a supermodel. For a time she was THE supermodel.

Kate Moss makes for a great clothes hanger. That's what supermodels are.

Somehow there has managed to be a disconnect between Hodge's definition of hotness with the fashion industry's already disconnected definition of hotness. Not only do comic creators not know what real women look like, they evidentially don't even know what supermodels look like. It's this sort of denial of reality and acceptance of the sexist status quo that makes people think that this sort of thing is perfectly innocent, inoffensive and fun.

Looking at that statue, I can only assume that Mary Jane is a slut. That's it. Is that what her character is? I must have no idea.

Sorry superheroes...

2007-05-10T07:13:00.000-05:00

I'd love to write something cynical and witty about Countdown or World War Hulk or even Amazons Attack, but I'm not reading any of them. In fact, I haven't read too many superhero comics in the last few weeks. Instead, I've been reading Death Note. Don't expect too much mainstream love from me until I'm finished with all 12 volumes.

Quick and dirty Spider-Man 3 review

2007-05-07T06:44:00.000-05:00

All said and done, Spider-Man 3 is the single best film to be the third installment of a superhero franchise. That action is solid, if not more impressive than the first two movies, and the consistent tone with the other films make this a good addition to the series in a genre where sequels usually become unbearable after the second film. The acting is also very good, especially Ms. Dunst, who I feel really was the star of this movie. Quite enjoyable.

The only real problem is the script. With so many intersecting story lines, the script simply stretches itself too thin while it attempts to give all its characters a sense of humanity. Perhaps another 20 minutes was necessary to flesh things out, or maybe the screen writers were just being lazy. Another problem, although less so, is that Peter's evil makeover is laughably ridiculous. So emo.

There is no arguing that Spider-Man 3 is much weaker than the first two movies and that this is mostly due to the thinned out script and use of cheap plot devices, but it still is a pretty decent movie and an above average superhero flick.

Marvel vs. DC: An Attempt at an Answer

2007-05-04T13:26:00.000-05:00

Now that the post-Infinite Crisis status quo has finally been revealed in Fifty-Two #52, I find my self wondering which of the two major fictional universes I find more attractive now that they have finished their respective "shake-up" events. I've figured that looking at how both DC and Marvel match up in some key categories will help me come to the final answer: Am I a DC or a Marvel man? Let the games begin!

New Status Quo
DC: A new multiverse. Personally I really don't care much for this idea at I felt that Hypertime was a quick and easy way to make everything work while still keeping things in one set universe. I don't really know why I would want to read anything that takes place on Earth-2 or the Faucett Earth. I like the idea of a single universe for everything, but that said, I don't really see how this will really affect me much. So really, I'm just apathetic to the multiverse.
Marvel: Ugh. I can't help but see half of Marvel's protagonists as villains now. Mrs. Marvel and Iron Man especially. Maybe this will bring about some interesting dynamics between characters, but I just don't like not being able to really care about less than half of the characters in a superhero universe. Hopefully the Hulk can help smash some of this crap back into shape.
Winner: DC, for not making their heroes either outlaws or dickheads.

Continuity
DC: A multiverse, then a single universe, then a series of interwoven timelines, then a multiverse. The post-CoIE reboot was brilliant, although necessary move but now I'm just confused by who did or didn't do what. Although I only have to wait twenty years for another reboot.
Marvel: These guys always had their shit together, although they did get a later start. Everything is in continuity, and although that means that there are decades worth of stories that "count" but no fan will have the time to read. I admire Marvel's ability to refrain from rebooting their universe and accepting that continuity is going to get fucked up now and then.
Winner: Marvel, for keeping things simple and relevant.

Old School
DC: Things were pretty goofy in the fifties and sixties for everyone in the DCU. All I can say is thank you, Baby Jesus, for Crisis on Infinite Earths. That said, DC did get their act together much sooner than the competition. Pretty much anything Neil Adams and Denny O'Neil touched in the seventies was decades ahead of its time.
Marvel: When Marvel started out, Stan Lee wrote everything and I've made my feelings on Stan's writing abilities pretty clear. That said, Jack Kirby also drew a lot of stuff and that made those ridiculous stories all the more bearable. Personally, I don't think Marvel really got its head on straight with storytelling until the late seventies, especially when Frank Miller changed Daredevil into a swashbuckling Spider-Man rip-off into a hard edged, realistic vigilante.
Winner: DC, by a nose. While the stories where Superman tricks his family and Batman died every issue were stupid, juvenile and just plain crappy, the DC books of the seventies were far more advanced than those at Marvel. That said, Jack Kirby still kicks ass.

Main "Boy Scout" Character
DC: Superman. I've always had a hard time liking Superman. As a god-like superhero, he's the template, but in the end, smashing stuff or lifting huge objects can only be so interesting. I get that there's some sort of American idealism that is supposed to be invested in Superman, but it always rings hallow to me. Maybe I just don't "get him" and need to read It's a Bird again.
Marvel: Captain America. Also hard for me to get, especially since I find nationalistic idealism often to be silly. That said, Cap has a history of standing up for what he beleives is right, even if it is in opposition to the US government. That's the sort of hero I can respect, even if he has a silly costume.
Winner: Marvel. Even anarchists can think Cap is cool, while Superman just comes off as a tool a lot of the time.

Main "Tough Guy" Character
DC: Batman. The Goddamn Batman. Don't know what else to say other than he's the coolest comic book character of all time.
Marvel: Wolverine. He can be cool, really cool, but sometimes he just gets boring. And now that he's been reduced to a skeleton only to recover in an hour or so, it's a little hard to worry about the outcomes of his stories.
Winner: DC. Batman will punch you in the neck for thinking otherwise.

Main Female Character
DC: Wonder Woman. She's always gotten the short end of the stick in the so-called "trinity" of major heroes in the DCU. I don't know much about her, but I know that she's able to kick just about anyone's ass, especially since Superman can't sometimes bring himself to do the job. That makes her cool in my book.
Marvel: Uh... who would this be exactly? Storm? Or is it Mrs. Marvel now that Ororo's married to a B-list Avenger? In any case, I can't think of a single female Marvel character that is a household name. That's sad.
Winner: DC, for simply having a woman on the A-list.

Main Superhero Team
DC: Justice League. The JLA has either been full of A-listers or stocked with silly B-listers and either way is lots of fun. Personally, I prefer to have all the best characters on the roster, but even with a few second stringers, the League is always fun.
Marvel: Avengers. Until lately the Avengers have never interested me. Other than a handful of A-list characters like Cap and Iron Man, the team seems to have always been made up of characters that no one really cares much about. The X-Men have cooler characters, but somehow the Avengers are still supposed to be "the big guns." And even when the coolest characters are on the team (as they are in the current New Avengers) it seems a little awkward and forced.
Winner: DC. Ask anyone on the street to name ten superheroes and they are likely to name mostly JLA members.

Movies (post-X-Men)
DC: Batman Begins was damn near perfect and Superman Returns was pretty fun if only a bit preachy. Catwoman is unwatchable, but is the only bad recent DC movie I can think of.
Marvel: Marvel has a bit of a head start on the superhero movie renaissance, starting with X-Men and exploding with Spider-Man. Both the X-movies and Spider-Man films have been great (even The Last Stand!) but there have been even more Marvel movies that I haven't even seen because they just look boring. Hulk, Fantastic Four, Ghost Rider, Punisher, Daredevil, all movies I would theoretically love to see, but just to not seem to look worth the effort of renting them.
Winner: Draw. While Marvel has two successful series of films under thier belt, they also have a ton of mediocre films. DC on the other hand has next to nothing but promises good stuff in the future.

Now that I've run out of categories, lets tally up the points...

And DC wins by a landslide. Really, I'm a little surprised, but the numbers don't lie. Now I just need to figure out why I read more Marvel weekly than DC.

A few thoughts on Fifty-Two #52

2007-05-03T11:35:00.000-05:00

If you haven't ready read it, do so, or else be ready to read some SPOILERS.

I just have to say that it's mighty convenient that Mr. Mind was able to eat all the parts that made the New Earth different from the Kingdom Come earth or the Wildstorm Universe. I mean, just how is it that he didn't create totally different realities, ones we've never seen before, while on his space/time eating binge?

The DCU has gone though so many shuffles and revisions that nothing makes any sense to me anymore. I mean, now that there is a new multiverse, does that mean that the first Crisis is null and void, at least for those Earths that existed back then? Does this mean that every DC/Wildstorm crossover need a dimensional travel explanation? And why even bother have the Charlton or Capt. Marvel worlds? The first Crisis didn't just erase them, it made them obsolete by integrating them into the mainstream DCU.

Sigh. I miss Hypertime.

I don't like Nightwing anymore

2007-05-02T06:16:00.000-05:00

Maybe this is a little late since Nightwing Annual #2 came out a while ago, but this One-Year-Before-One-Year-Later story has sealed the deal: I don't like Dick Grayson.

Now, I do like him as a supporting character to Batman or Tim Drake, and he seems to be cool enough as Robin, but when he is the lead character some of his less appealing traits really shine through. Namely, Dick is a whiny slut.

I've already written about how Dick can't keep it in his pants, but I forgave him for it then. After all, it was One Year Later and everyone in the DC Universe could have done with some action. But as the Annual points out, Nightwing is just a plain ol' slut. According to the Annual, Dick, in a heartbeat, started making out with Barbara and even went to bed with her only to reveal that he was engaged to Starfire at the time! I'm not too familiar with Dick and Kori's relationship, but it's just not cool to sleep around when you are engaged. And, as the ending of the Annual indicates, Dick is still in love with Babs and will return to her some day. Apparently it's okay to sleep with strange fashion designers on the way. And has Dick even talked to Babs since returning to the states? I haven't been reading Nightwing for a few months, but I'm sure he's found some other ways to slut it up along the way back to Babs.

And Nightwing is emooooooo. He's more moody than Batman now! Somehow both Bruce and Tim returned from their world tour better adjusted and more badass, but Dick just got more whiny. Maybe that's what he gets for skipping out early. It seems that Nightwing is just in a bad place and I'm not sure if he'll ever get out of it.

I wish I could blame Dick's angst and promiscuity on one writer, but this appears to be the conventions of his character and that makes me not like him at all. I'm still all about Nightwing teaming up with Robin or Batman or anyone else for that matter. Hell, I loved his role in Infinite Crisis, but on his own he repulses me.

Someone let me know when Dick gets over it.

Abridged Comics: Giant-Sized X-Men, UXM #94 - #104

2007-04-30T12:30:00.000-05:00

Here is all you need to know about Giant-Sized X-Men #1 and Uncanny X-Men #94 - #104, boiled down to one panel an issue.

Giant-Sized X-Men #1: The all new, all different X-Men join together to fight for justice in a world filled with prejudice and intolerance.

Uncanny X-Men #94: Professor Xavier is voted off the island.

Uncanny X-Men #95: Thunderbird gets himself blown up and it becomes a big deal for years. But seriously, the guy was a fucking douchebag.

Uncanny X-Men #96: Nightcrawler finds Wolverine's copy of "She's All That."

Uncanny X-Men #97: Cyclops fights Havok. Again.

Uncanny X-Men #98: Nightcrawler disguises himself as a 70's porn star. He ends up nailing his foster sister.

Uncanny X-Men #99: He may have skin made of steel, but Colossus is a total wuss when when it comes to a stomach ache.

Uncanny X-Men #100: Jean uses her powers to take Corbeau's knowledge of flying spacecraft. And his credit card numbers.

Uncanny X-Men #101: Geez, that narrator is a real dick!

Uncanny X-Men #102: Behold, the larval form of "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!"

Uncanny X-Men #103: You see, originally Chris Claremont was going to have Logan be a super-evolved wolverine. But since that is completely retarded, ha came up with all the Weapon X stuff. So... this leprechaun must be absolutely fucking insane. For the sake of continuity.

Uncanny X-Men #104: The X-Men fight Magneto. That is all.

Another Violet movie

2007-03-11T10:37:00.001-05:00

Quick 300 review

2007-03-11T09:27:00.000-05:00

As an action movie, 300 is certainly one of the best I've ever seen and hopefully will set the bar for all other sword-and-sandal epics in the future. Also, it looks just like a classic Frank Miller book, so it is needless to say it's gorgeous.

However, it is also the biggest steaming pile of Orientalist crap I've seen since Fu Manchu.

For anyone who missed Civil War: The Initiative

2007-03-10T09:38:00.000-05:00

So, either Carol is a big liar or the next issue of Captain America will reveal that Steve is not dead but simply out of commission. Makes this all more Knightfall and less Death of Superman, which is a whole lot less cheap and obnoxious.

The Return of Captain America

2007-03-08T21:53:00.000-05:00

Oh, wait. If you have been in an isolation chamber for the past 36 hours, SPOILER ALERT!!!

Now that's out the way, let's get to talking about the return of Captain America. Personally I'm betting on with the next nine months. And I'm being pretty liberal with that prediction.*

I've heard that Joe Quesada, as he makes the rounds at cable news shows, bringing attention to this fictional event, saying that "death needs to mean something in the Marvel Universe." And I call bullshit. Sorry, Joe, it just doesn't fly. Cap will be back in no time and let me tell why.

First, there's this guy:

That's the Winter Soldier, a.k.a. Bucky, a.k.a. one of the Three Forever Deads** who just so happens to not be dead anymore. You can not tell me that a superhero death is going to mean a thing when this guy appears in the same comic. If he can come back, a character who has been dead for over 40 years, then Steve's not going to be down for long at all.

Oh, and I'm also remember of this dude who showed up in Civil War #7:

Captain God Damn Marvel. Remember his death, how it shook the Marvel Universe, really made death mean something, gave such superpowerful characters a touch of mortality? Forget all that. He's back and hardly anyone even read the comic when he showed up after 25 years. Yeah, death really means something at Marvel lately.

Okay, that out of the way, let's get practical. When will Steve come back? Let's look at the facts:

The Fallen Son books are clearly about Captain America's death. They are at least three issues long. So he probably won't come back until they are over.
Captain America has not been canceled. If the series continues, as does the character. If Marvel were to cancel the book, it'd seem much more obviously permanent.
Steve spent twenty years practically dead, frozen in an ice cube. Once dead, never dead.
Captain America gets shot in the face for breakfast.

So, get back to me with your predictions. Maybe we can start a pool. For now I leave you with this thought:

Eh?

Eh?

Get your Cap on Frank!

*However, as Civil War pointed out, I suck at predicting comic book outcomes.

**The other two are Jason Todd (alive again) and Uncle Ben (don't even ask me what's going on there).

My Essential Essentials

2007-03-08T20:04:00.000-05:00

I think I may be in the minority, but I love Marvel's Essential series of trades. I don't know what it is about 500+ of stories at a bargain price that makes me wanting more. And I especially don't miss the color. In fact, I think many of the comics look damn good in just black and white.

In any case, I like 'em but sadly too many of them are unappealing to me. Pretty much anything by Stan Lee is unreadable (sorry, Stan, you're a great creator but those old issues were baaaad), who the hell is Killraven and I don't think I'll ever want to read 500 pages of Ant-Man. There are the few that I love, but they just leave me wanting more of the stuff I'm actually interested in. Here's my Essentials wishlist.

Secret Wars: You can go two ways with this. There can be a single volume version with both Secret Wars and Secret Wars II along with some essential tie-ins, or it could be a two-volume set, one for the original and one for the sequel and each with plenty of tie-ins. I think it this would be a cool Essential mostly because I'd like to see the series feature important and classic storylines, not just reprint old stuff in order.

Uncanny X-Men, vol 2343: All I'm saying is don't stop with the Essential X-Men, Marvel. Best trade series ever.

She-Hulk, vol 2: Okay, I'm not 100% sure I would buy this one, as the idea of a colorless She-Hulk kinda turns me off. I haven't picked up the first volume for this very reason. But, I think it would be neat to see more classic Shulkie. Maybe have some old team-up or guest appearances, or maybe just skip right to the graphic novels and Bryne's Sensational series.

Man-Thing, vol 2: I may be hesitant on She-Hulk, but I definitely demand more Man-Thing. Seriously.

Punisher, vol 2: The first Essential Punisher is a bit of a disappointment, only showcasing his guest appearances and the first miniseries. I say we need a volume starting with #1 of his first ongoing. Punisher in black and white. Without Spider-Man. That would fucking rock.

New Mutants: This would be so awesome. Teenage stars + unusual powers + Bill Fucking Sienkiewicz in stark black and what = HAWT!

Daredevil, vol 8: Approximately when the Frank Miller stuff gets printed. Nuff said.

Classic X-Men, vol 3: Really, the old X-Men books hold very little appeal for me since they really were quite terrible. However, right before the book became nothing but reprints until the All-New All-Different relaunch, Neal Adams had a short stint as artist. And it looked awesome. Marvel needs to make one more Essentials in this series in order to reprint the Adams stuff. There aren't enough issues of X-Men left to fill a Essentials, but I'm sure there is plenty of Marvel Team-Ups and such to fill the space.

And about those Showcase things DC has: they're cool in the same way that Marvel Essentials are cool, but they've have a terrible time picking stuff to release. And there is the fact that before the seventies, everything DC did was goofy as hell and would just bug me to no end. But here's the one thing I would love for them to do:

Showcase Presents: Post Crisis Batman: Start with the reintroduction of Jason Todd and go from there. I would buy those by the truckload.

Meet Violet

2007-03-04T14:27:00.000-05:00

Who needs blogging when you've just adopted the cutest hedgehog in the world?

Everyone, meet my baby Violet.

Godzilla vs Barkley (or, Shut Up and Jam All Monsters!!!)

2007-02-23T12:52:00.000-05:00

Let's take a little time away from laughing at the ridiculousness of Superman and Batman vs. Aliens and Predator, to appreciate one of the long lost crossover masterworks, Godzilla vs. Barkley.

Instead of writing up a long plot summery, I've decided to give you an abridged look at this classic piece of sequential art, presenting all the most important bits, removing unnecessary plot points and context. Enjoy.

Yesss, indeed.

Civil War #7 reaction

2007-02-23T08:54:00.000-05:00

I made the prediction that there was no way that Iron Man and the rest of his pro-registration goons were going to win Civil War. And I was so very wrong.

Now, it's too early for me to start bitching about this new status quo or how it will effect the next few years of stories. (I don't read that much current Marvel anyways.) Luckily, it will probably be nullified by some other huge event by 2010 at the latest.

But what I am left really thinking about is how the ending of Civil War, specifically Captain America's simple surrender, must be angering legions of fans but how it also makes a lot of sense. It was perfectly clear from the very get-go that Iron Man was the villain of the series and that Cap and his band of rebels were the one's worth rooting for. But why is that? I think that the general pro-Cap sentiment among fans was grounded in the idealism that superheroes represent for people. It is the same reason why some people get all bent out of shape about Batman killing in the movies: superheroes are good, just and should not be questioned or lowered in stature. By subverting superheroes (also mistakenly called "darkening" them) creators undermine the virtues that are projected onto the characters.

It is this and the plain fact that the Stamford accident is purely fictional that makes Iron Man's side so hard to accept and Cap to easy to root for. But let's be perfectly serious, if 9/11 were caused by superhumans (good or evil, doesn't really matter) instead of religious terrorists, you'd bet that we in the real world would all be calling for superhuman registration as well. It makes sense that a vast majority of people in the Marvel universe would side with the government and be in favor of registration and so it makes sense that a hero so dedicated to the people to surrender to such an opinion, like it or not.

Perhaps the "problem" of Civil War's resolution has less to do with flaws in the series and more with a fundamental flaw in fiction, that we can only get so close to the characters, that we can only understand their motivations to a limited extent. It is this distance from the character's reality (or even our own distance from the event Stamford is so shamelessly based on) that makes it hard to look past the idealism of Captain America and to see just how practical Iron Man and SHIELD are being. To say that the ending of Civil War sucks is perfectly reasonable, but to say that it isn't the way it should have ended is simply a fandamentalist delusion.

That being said, I am glad that the only contemporary Marvel comics I am dedicated reading are Runaways and Punisher MAX. Everything else I'm reading was published decades before Civil War.

Black Hole review

2007-02-05T11:44:00.000-05:00

This last week wasn't the best. I spent four days home from my job due to a lack of work, I suffered from a terrible sinus infection and northern Indiana was blanketed with inches upon inches of snow. Luckily, with the time I was snowed in, coughing, snotty and unpaid, I was able to finally read Black Hole by Charles Burns, which I had checked out from the library a month before. I read the 350+ page graphic novel in on sitting, which may not have been the best for my health, but it certainly allowed me to get the full experience of the story.

Black Hole is the story of several teenagers living in 1970's Seattle, where a strange new STI mutates those who are infected. The lucky ones are given strange yet concealable deformities, while the unfortunate are mutated beyond recognition.

The best thing about Burns' graphic novel is that it not about the disease (called The Bug), which would have limited the story to the realm of horror. Instead, Black Hole focuses on the characters, their desires and fears, and very little of the conflict has to do with the Bug directly. Black Hole is essentially a coming-to-age/love story set in a viseral and surreal world. The story telling and characterization is excellent and the artwork is both clean, precise and perfect for the dark and nostalgic tone of the story. The way Burns examines the theme of "otherness", both in terms of the perfect object of desire and the threatening opposite, is brilliant and fascinating.

According to Wikipedia, Black Hole was originally serialized over the course of ten years, which may account for the only problematic element of the story. The story seems to want to be bigger than itself, somehow universal and far-reaching, almost cosmic or mystical in stature, but that is difficult to achieve with a story that is so focused on characters unique as their individual deformities. But this is really just a minor compliant as the story only falls into this mode during a handful of sections, concentrated at the beginning and end.

I highly recommend Black Hole, as a graphic novel that is a perfect balance of darkness and nostalgic idealism. It's not a perfect book, but its without a doubt one of the best and most original books published in recent memory. And if you're a fan of Brian Wood's Demo and you still haven't read Black Hole, you have no excuse.

Oh noes! You've got prose in my comic book.

2007-02-05T08:19:00.000-05:00

After being sick for a few weeks, I've finally gotten around to checking out my comic book-related feeds and what do I find? The preview of Batman #663 posted at Every Day Is Like Wednesday. You know, the one with prose.

I am giddy. It'll be nice to have something different come along, especially in a Batman book, especially by Grant Morrison.

Now, I'm not exactly sure why Caleb is having what seems to be a negative reaction to the format of the book. Even moreso, I'm surprised by a reader's comment on the post saying, "What the hell is this thing?! I thought it couldn't get any worse than Arkham Asylum!" I think this comment is strange because the prose isn't exactly strange when compared to works by other postmodern authors. Is there a more widespread negative reaction to this preview, as I have been cut off from the comic blogosphere for a while?

Are comic book fans, especially those of superhero books, out of touch with prose fiction? Is it inaccessible? Or even threatening that it unnerves us should it appear in what we expect to be "comics only" spaces?

I don't mean to sound snotty or pretentious (although anyone talking about prose vs. comics is bound to), but I love a good ol' non-comic book now and then. I won't try to argue which medium is better, as that is a ridiculous discussion, but I will say that my recent reading of The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood was more rewarding than any comic I've read in the past year*. But I do know that many comic book fans do not read much other than comics, and then there are those who only read prose that is related to popular sci-fi/adventure franchises. Everything else seems to be considered either unaccessible or boring.

I have no solution to the problem, but I do implore readers to give Batman #663 a chance. Prose fiction may seem strange in your monthly publications from DC, but it's not that big of a deal. It could be good. It's Grant Morrison for Christ's sake. Give it a read, even if it's "not a fucking comic book."

*It is also the major reason I have not been blogging in the past few weeks, along with lessened computer time and being sick lately. And I only say it's better than any comic I read in the last year as a safe estimate, but it could very well be better and more rewarding than any comic ever. Seriously. Read it.

What If...?: Journey into the Hypothetical - Taking requests

2007-01-12T10:34:00.000-05:00

Okay, since have access to pretty much every What If...? issue ever, I'll be taking your requests for reviews.

A full list of every What If...? scenario can be found at this Wikipedia page, so scope it out and if you'd like to know what happens in the story I will be more than happy to read it and tell just what would happen if Spider-Man was bitten by a radioactive stink bug or whatever.*

Keep in mind that I have some "special posts" already planed, so I may not be able to answer all of your requests in detail without becoming redundant, but I should be able to do most anything people what too see.

Also, this is my contribution to National De-lurking Week, so if you're reading this please make a comment. Please, massage my ego and tell me someone is reading the crap I post.

*Mary Jane, Aunt May, Black Cat, Green Goblin, Daredevil, The Owl, Rhino, Wolverine, and Flat Man all die.

A Letter to DC

2007-01-12T10:19:00.000-05:00

Dearest DC Comics,

Next time you want to do a weekly series, please hire me as a proofreader. This blog may be riddled with grammatical and spelling errors, but Lobo is having a punctuation emergency. I can help. I can also write meaningless copy for background text. That way you don't have to publish embarrassing keyboard mashing.

Also, I'm not mad at you for killing Animal Man because we all know how permanent death is in the DCU, regardless of what "changes" have been "made" to "New Earth."

See you in June, Buddy!

What If...?: Journey into the Hypothetical - Introduction

2007-01-12T09:52:00.000-05:00

Branching off of Nostalgia Week, I've decided it is time to take a good, close look at a series that holds a very special place in my heart: What If...?

What If...? is the quintessential comic nerd series. The basic premise, for those who do not know, is to explore alternate outcomes for famous Marvel storylines. Every alternate scenario is presented as a question. Its with this series that we get the final answer for the burning questions like, What if the X-Men lost Inferno? or What if Captain America came back today? or What if Longshot didn't have a mullet? The truly important stuff! I had a subscription to What If...? as a kid, and I probably didn't really know anything about the original stories, but I still loved seeing weird, over-the-top scenarios every month. What If...? was the best.

And for all of those people out there who draw a parallel between What If...? and DC's Elseworlds books, please stop it. There is a pretty noticeable different between the two and the difference is what makes What If...? the more superior series as a whole. As I said, most every What If...? is based on an existing event in the Marvel canon, only with a different outcome.* This is a lot different than Elseworlds, which are all about creating totally different universes for the characters to exist in, therefor telling stories of Batman being De Vinci's apprentice, Steel being an slave during the Civil War (the real one, guys) and Hal Jordan being a Nazi. Other than that last one, none of those premises have any basis in mainstream continuity. A lot of Elseworlds are really, really good, but the concept of What If...?, being grounded in canon, provides much more nerdy fun than seeing Robin dressed up as a samurai.

But there is a dark side to What If...? You see, I have a theory that one of the main purposes of the series, other than hypothetical nerdy delights, is to put fanboys in their place. What If...? proves that if events happened any differently than what is published everything gets completely fucked up! Everyone dies. For instance, for all fans annoyed with the happenings in Spider-Man: The Other can just read the recent What If...? based on the story to see just how fucked up things would be if Spider-Man had not made all huggy with his inner arachnid. Essentially it is a "Shut up and quit whining" from Marvel to fanboys having hissy fits. So it's a rule: nothing ever comes out right in a What If...?, so be happy with the way things are, bitch.

Body counts and unavoidable apocalypses aside, What If...? is almost always fun, if only for how ridiculous the stories get. So let's take a Journey Into the Hypothetical and check out some of the best What If...? scenarios of all time. I'll still be blogging about other stuff, but for the next few weeks/month/however long until I get tired of it, we'll be regularly checking out classic What If...?s. Who knows what's in store for Continuity Error!?**

*Yeah, I know there were some What If...? that had premises a lot like Elseworlds, but there's only a few of them. So, I don't care.

**The Starjammers all die. Sorry, it's just what happens.

Some of the new comics I've read so far this week

2007-01-05T11:44:00.000-05:00

All-Star Superman #6: I'm not going to do a ridiculous "Best of 2006" post since most of the comics I read this (last) year have been older as I try to play catchup with the comic world, but if I had to name the best series of 2006, All-Star Superman would be it. And with this issue it is already the best series of 2007. I don't even like Superman all that much but I get all giddy when a new issue of All-Star comes out. It's that good.

Superman Confidential #3: I have not yet finished reading #1, but I keep buying this book. I think Tim Sale's interpretation of Lois Lane has a lot to do with it. She's purdy.

Amazing Spider-Man #537: Meh. This is probably the weakest chapter of the "War Comes Home" story arc. Disjointed chicken soup for the Spider soul. But on a whole I'm still happy with the story arc, which is more of a companion book to Civil War than Civil War: Frontline has ever been.

Punisher: War Journal #2: Captain America and the Punisher. Those two are soooo gay for each other. I'm not sure if I like this version of the Punisher compared to the MAX version, but it's nice to see him at least stand up to Cap and not just be his little bitch like he is in some other comic that was released this week but not everywhere.

Civil War #6: For those on the west coast I will simply say that this issue is fun. I liked it. I'm sure everyone else with a blog will figure out why it sucks.

Only perverts use Google

2007-01-05T08:24:00.000-05:00

I obsessively track my blog's traffic using Google Analytics, which is pretty sad considering how little traffic I actually get. But one of the best features of Analytics is the ability to see what words people were Googling when they visited your page.

I wrote about this a while back after I started getting a ton of traffic from people searching for "incest" and "incest comics." This was after I blogged about the theme of incest in the Dr. Thirteen backups in Tales of the Unexpected. If fact, I even got a comment on the post by some pervert defending his "perfectly normal desires" to have sex with his daughter. I deleted the comment by the way. Anyway, I now have a few more posts under my belt, some more content and so new hilarious, if not a little creepy, keywords are popping up.

The most popular new trend (but still way behind the incest-related searches) are concerning Psylocke, who I blogged about during Nostalgia Week. There is "betsy braddock" and "betsy braddock nude" (first result, baby!) and then there is my favorite so far, "psylocke costume wedgie."

Other popular searches are "spiderman penis," "mantra boob" and "she hulk nude." Nerds just love their fictional characters naked, don't they?

Of course there are plenty of normal, healthy searches that land people here. I'm the second result for "jla vs predator" and terms related to Nightwing and Civil War are among my all time most popular search results.

But they will aways be outweighed by the pervy searches looking for nasty porn and naked superheroes. And of course the funniest thing is that the posts that are getting all the dirty attention are in opposition of the concept that is being searched for. My Dr. Thirteen post takes a strong stance against incest and the irresponsible use of it as a theme in fiction. The Psylocke post is about the absurdity of her oversexualization and the Spider-Man penis one was basically about how seeing his wang is no big deal. Only the She-Hulk post, part of Cheesecake/Beefcake Appreciation Week, supplies some naughty thrills. But even then she was wearing clothes.

I would give anything to see what people were searching for when they stumbled across entries on other feminist comic blogs like When Fangirls Attack, One Diverse Comic Book Nation, Comic Book Thoughts, Pretty, Fizzy Paradise and Written World. I'm sure most of them will be along the lines of "wonder woman naked" "batgirl rape pics" or "amanda waller nude fan art."

Wow, I really hated X-Men: The Hidden Years

2007-01-04T13:42:00.000-05:00

The following review is a piece I've had buried in Blogger since I started Continuity Error! four months ago. I must have sat on it while I scanned some images as examples, but as I no longer really care to revisit The Hidden Years, I'm just going to give you this review as is. Prepare to see me at my most bitter fit of fanboyness.

Normally I would not review a entire monthly series with a total of 22 issues in one fell swoop, but I think it is a fair generalization when I say that this series sucked from beginning to end.

In the late 1960s, due to sagging sales, Marvel stopped producing new X-Men comics and for the next five years (issues #67-93) only reprinted older stories. Oddly this occurred when Neal Adams was supplying the artwork for the book, which made it a hundred times cooler than it had ever been. So, in 1975, Marvel introduced the "All-New, All-Different" X-Men and new X-Men stories began to be created.

But what about those years between issues #66 and #94. Well, I would have assumed that the X-Men just sat around and did homework, but that explanation wasn't good for John Byrne, because those "missing years" are the subject of X-Men: The Hidden Years.

There were a number of things working against The Hidden Years, so it's no surprise that Joe Quesada canceled it after less than two years.

The writing style is a "homage" to the cheesy narratives and dialogue of the Stan Lee and Roy Thomas stories. I'll never understand why that crap flew back in the 1960s, but it sure as hell isn't going to work in the 2000s. This must have been a boon to all the older comic fans looking for a lethal dosage of nostalgia,* but for the rest of us, less-gray fans, this stuff is just torture to read. Did Byrne not realize that writing like this is one of the reasons why X-Men was canceled in the first place? And it looks like crappy writing does strike twice.

If there is one thing that this series has going for it, it's that every issues was instantly accessible thanks to the page long back-issue-summery-in-the-form-of-flashbacks. Seriously, who thinks like this? I've never found myself, urgently driving in my car to an important appointment, and instead of thinking about what I am going to do, reminisce and summarize the events of the past three days, explaining where my friends are and what I had for breakfast the Tuesday before.

For a series that attempts to fill in the five-year gap before the X-Men's relaunch, this series sure doesn't get through the years very quickly. Overall, I'd estimate that the

The Hidden Years is basically nothing more than a John Byrne wankfest. The Fantastic Four (who Byrne wrote for six years in the early 1980s) appear in two of the storylines. That's two storylines in a series that only had 22 issues! I think Mr. Fantastic might get more panel-time than Iceman. Also, Moleman shows up at one point for no real reason.

And another strange thing is that a majority of the series involves the X-Men going on a sort of "World Tour," beginning with a trip to the Savage Land and taking them all over the place before they finally find themselves home. This should sound familiar, because it is exactly the same thing that happened when John Byrne began his run as an artist for Uncanny X-Men, back in the late 1970s. John Byrne basically ripped himself off, right down to the conflict with Magneto that kicks the whole thing off.**

I like the idea of a retroactive X-Men series, because those early issues need to be replaced by something. Anything. Well, anything but this crap.

*For the purpose of this review, "nostalgia" is defined as "ignoring the fact that the stuff you liked as a kid really, really sucked."

**As of writing this review, I read some more early Claremont issues and found that the premise of going to the Savage Land (or, rather nearby) to confirm that Magneto is dead is ripped right from the pages of Uncanny X-Men. The story line takes place soon after Byrne left the book, so at least he wasn't ripping of a story he actually worked on.

Comic geek X-Mas loot report

2007-01-04T09:56:00.000-05:00

Because I'm still a twelve-year-old at heart, I am compelled to share what comic book related gifts I received this Christmas season.

Absolute Watchmen: My friend and potential collaborator Eric Carl hooked me up with this gorgeous, massive hunk of Alan Moore goodness. I'm split on whether I should read it or just stare at it and grin. This thing won't even fit on my bookshelf it is so epic.

Kia Asamiya Joker figure: My buddy Gary picked me out this sweet Joker figure, which perfectly compliments the Catwoman figure I picked up for my wife.

Infinite Crisis hardcover: While I won't be reading it any time soon, my wife did the right thing and gave me the book I had to have on my bookshelf but kept putting off buying. Lately I've been wondering what it would be like to read through Infinite Crisis from start to finish without waiting for issues. I assume it would likely be best described as "continuity overload" but at least I can find out now.

Limited Edition She-Hulk figure: I may not know much about her, but I loves me some She-Hulk. She's like the gorgeous, popular girl in high school that all the nerds are in love with but know nothing about. Just like that. Anyway, my ever attentive wife observed my complaints over the absence of the Marvel Select figure at the local comic book shop. She did some hunting and found that it was in fact a limited edition figure only sold at Wizard World and other comic conventions. And she found me one. She is the best.

Essential Man-Thing: Nothing says "holiday spirit" like Man-Thing! There is something about this guy that I cannot resist, so ever since I learned about this "Essential" I knew I had to have it. The copy on the back of the cover promises Howard the Duck and a Peanut Butter Barbarian. How can I pass that up. I hope to do a "Man-Thing Month" in the near future as I work my way through this book and other things mucky.

This has been the nerdiest Christmas I've had since I was a kid.

Nostalgia Week Roundup

2007-01-04T09:23:00.001-05:00

Nostalgia Week was a brief walk down memory lane as I took a closer look at the comics I loved as a kid.

Batman #446: Batman takes on the NKVDemon in this, my very first Batman comic.

Superman, Man of Steel #37: Guest-staring Batman, Batman, Batman, Batman, Batman, Batman and Batman.

X-Men #31, or specifically Betsy Braddock's butt: I take a look at my earliest reactions to the hypersexualization of women in comics and theorize on how fans become numb to it.

Frank needs to do his duty.

2007-01-04T08:09:00.000-05:00

Another one of my Civil War predictions is coming true!

I always knew that "final battle" was only code for a hot, sweaty Cap/Punisher slash fest.

Evidentally I am Spider-Man. Who knew?

2006-12-30T11:10:00.000-05:00

I am Spider-Man

Spider-Man		65%
Hulk		65%
Robin		57%
Catwoman		55%
The Flash		40%
Superman		35%
Batman		35%
Green Lantern		35%
Iron Man		35%
Wonder Woman		25%
Supergirl		25%

I am intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Happy Christmas from Continuity Error!

2006-12-24T15:19:00.000-05:00

Murry Christmas from Continuity Error!

Luthor must have a REALLY bad research team...

2006-12-23T11:29:00.000-05:00

...either that, or 52 has some rather lazy writers.

Now, this may not be as lazy as Scott McDaniel's refusal to draw the lines of Green Arrow's bowstring, but it is real fucking obnoxious. When I saw this panel I immediately thought that Luthor's comment was about the fact that his researchers have filled their report with sa;olkda;lskdl;sakd;la keyboard doodling. It's not even random doodling, it's the same eight or so keys!

For a book that has four perfectly capable writers (one of which being a genius) it is pretty unacceptable for this laziness and scene killing crap to make an appearance. And this is not the first time, too! Nearly all background text is nothing but random letters.

This has to stop!

Green Arrow is dead meat

2006-12-22T12:36:00.000-05:00

I predict that Oliver Queen will die in the next year to be replaced by Roy Harper as the key archer in the DC Universe.

Because Ollie is a retard.

The proof:
His bow has no bowstring! How stupid can he be to go into battle without a damn bowstring? He must be becoming senile in his old age.

Or it could be that Scott McDaniel's art has become progressively more sloppy and lazy.

Or maybe Roy just stole all of Ollie's bowstrings. He has one on the cover of JL0fA #4 after all.

Fangirls! Who is the comic book man candy?

2006-12-21T09:53:00.000-05:00

Today I was surfing Comicvine, the new superhero wiki/internet crack, when I noticed that X-23 had been attributed with the "power" of Attractive Female. My initial response was offense, but that quickly changed to pity. You see, Comicvine has a cool ranking system for all of the powers given to characters. This is a ton of fun when you're voting on which characters could win in a fight but when it comes to ranking the Attractive Female "power", it would be nothing more than voting on which fictional character is the hottest. That's just fucking sad.

I made a bit of a stink on the forums about it, calling it ridiculous and asking why there wasn't a "Man Candy" power. Well, turns out there is! The only problem is that not too many people seem to be making much use of it. I wonder why.

So fangirls, I implore you to go to Comicvine, sign up, and let the world know who the hunks of comics are. I marked Batman and Nightwing as "Attractive Males" since I know both get more ladies than they can handle. But other than that, I have no clue who the fangirls (and plenty of the fanboys) out there are fawning over. So go set the record straight!

Correction: You don't even need to sign up to vote in the superhero beauty pageant.

More Christmastime joy with Batman

2006-12-21T08:57:00.000-05:00

Batman questions Santa's superhero credentials.

Okay, so Nostalgia Week is over

2006-12-21T08:42:00.000-05:00

I was going to make a post about Batman #410, an all-time favorite issue of mine, for my Nostalgia Week, but I've decided not to on the grounds that I plan reading all the Jason Todd era comics sometime soon. I also plan on blogging about those old stories, so in hopes of reducing redundancy I am canceling the final nostalgic post. Well, postponing it, really.

But before I get into reading old-school Batman, I'm going to be reading through my stacks of What If...? issues. Be ready for fist fulls of hypothetical situations and high body counts, because What If..? However Long I Take Getting Through Them is about to start!

Well, this is depressing...

2006-12-18T09:13:00.000-05:00

I thought I was brilliant to use a digg-like content management system to create a user-run comic book news site. I called it Pull List and it was going to be teh next big thing. It didn't matter that no one, including myself, used it.

But now I see that someone has gone and done it better. ComicNe.ws is the very same concept but looks much better. And it has a bunch of passionate users and relevant news.

God, I'm depressed.

Tim didn't wear hot pants!

2006-12-16T10:44:00.000-05:00

It's a good thing I've been taking my time picking up my comics or else I would have screeched out loud in the middle of the comic shop. Have the editors of DC lost their minds? Behold this great offense that is in 52 #31!

Tim did not wear the green hotpants! I mean, he did once when he first showed up to save Batman from Two-Face, but he wasn't officially Robin then. When he took down the Scarecrow he was wearing a ski mask! He didn't put the costume on again until Alfred put pants on it! For shame, DC editors, to forget a vital element of Tim's origin! In a retelling of his origin at that!

Oh, my God! What if this is one of those retarded changes for the Post-Crisis Post-Infinite Crisis New Earth? I let the Joe Chill thing slide, but this is intolerable!

On Spider-Man's penis

2006-12-11T21:34:00.000-05:00

I wish to go on record that I don't give a shit about the silhouette of a penis that appears in Spider-Man: Reign #1. Seeing a penis does not scandalize me. I have one of my own.

Now, I would love to see this same kind of outcry* for every time the outline of nipples or labia graces the pages of a superhero comic. Of course if that happened, comic book shops would be burning across the nation.

I also want to go on record as saying I don't care if the story is just like The Dark Knight Returns. So is almost every other Batman story since 1986. Shit, every plot in a comic released this week is bound to have similarities to a dozen other comics released in the last seventy years. Fanboys, and I use this term in the most derogatory way possible, have a very skewed idea of what constitutes as originality. The differences between Spider-Man and Batman are enough to make Reign interesting in its own right.

And I like the artwork, too.

*Well, it couldn't exactly be the same kind of outcry since most of the objecting voices come from homophobic fanboys who feel violated at the site of a penis other than their own.

More holiday cheer with Batman

2006-12-10T18:56:00.000-05:00

Batman will hunt Santa down like a dog.

Nostalgia Week: Betsy Braddock's Butt

2006-12-10T13:02:00.000-05:00

This is not so much of a review as it is a look back at my introduction to the hyper-sexualization of women in comics. If talking about things such as gender politics, body image and exposure of sexualized content to children bores you, feel free to just look at the pictures of Psylocke's butt.

Before we get to looking at X-Men #31, I'd like to share one of my most vivid comic book memories.

Once, when I was ten years old, I was out with my mother and some other people. We stopped by a drug store and I requested that my mother buy me a comic book. I picked out a copy of Ultraverse Origins #1, which looked cool because the cover was packed with characters. And since it was only $0.99, my mother agreed.

Later, as my mother was busy running some other errand, I was sitting in the car reading the comic. I cannot remember much about it but one thing really stuck out and grabbed my attention. It was a panel of the character Mantra, nude in a mirror.

I was shocked and confused. I felt as if I had accidentally opened up pornography. In fact, I think I even called it that at the time. Looking back I realize that I was probably more afraid of the attraction I had to the image than the shame of having seen it. In any case, I wanted nothing to do with it.

I showed the panel to my mother and asked her to take me back to the drug store so that I could get her money back. I tried to explain to the people at the store that I was offended by the content but they would not give me a refund. It was against their policy to accept magazine returns. I can't imagine what they thought of this ten year old little boy showing them a drawing of a nude woman and demanding his $0.99 back. I remember being very firm with them too. I ended up tossing the comic into the trash on my way out of the store, making a big show of it. My mommy was very proud of me.

In the same year that I was scandalized by Mantra's boobs, X-Men #31 was published. I'm not sure which came first, but I probably was never as scandalized by the X-Men comic because the women in it are never technically nude (even though a change in coloring is all it would take). The story, written by the oft verbose Chris Claremont, involves Psylocke and her mind swap with Revanche. Needless to say I didn't understand a damn thing back then. In fact, I didn't remember anything about the plot as I sat down to re-read this issue. And having read it I still am not quite sure what was going on. Thank God for Wikipedia.

I've decided not to bother with rehashing all of the extremely convoluted plot of this issue. I didn't understand it when I was ten and I barely get it when I'm twenty-three. I'll just set up the context for one of the more memorable panels in the issue. The story begins with Ravanche standing over a sleeping Professor X, about to cut his head off. It seems that she is under the influence of Spiral, who is watching the whole scene through transmitters in Ravanche's eyes. Spiral loses the feed as Ravanche tears out her own eyes. Later, Professor X has woken up and has taken the sword and note that Ravanche left next to his bed to Psylocke to consult with her. It's a basic 'Thank you for being nice to me but I'm out of here" note, but since Claremont wrote it it is considerably longer. But did I understand all this when I was ten? Hell, no! I was too mesmerized by Psylocke's butt.

During the 1990's Psylocke was perhaps the most sexualized character in the X-Men comics. That is until Emma Frost joined and Psylocke found some pants. Psylocke's costume was basically nothing but a purple bathing suit and her back was constantly arched and her breasts constantly thrust forward. It just doesn't make sense for a ninja or any warrior for that matter. And look at what she is wearing during her late night meeting with Professor X. Back then it was very enticing, but now I'm just confused by it. Assuming she just woke up, how does she sleep with that atomic wedgie? Isn't it a little unprofessional/inappropriate for her to let Professor X, who is basically her boss, see her like that? Does she not even own a robe? Seriously, this woman is sexualized to the point of absurdity, especially at the hands of Andy Kubert.

Later on in the story we find Psylocke in the Danger Room, in the middle of a training exercise.

Considering the lethal setting of the Danger Room and Psylocke's attire, I have come to the conclusion that Betsy must be suicidal. That is the only reason why I could see someone who knows the first thing about combat would willingly subject themselves to lethal force while wearing nothing but a swimsuit and random, useless straps of cloth.

Or, which may make more sense, it is that comic book readers are trained to ignore the impracticality of female characters' costumes. Instead we are told to focus simply on the "hotness" of the characters, never once questioning the absurdity of it all. This begins at a very young age, especially for male readers, and I find my rejection of Mantra and acceptance of Psylocke to be perfect illustrations of this. In the same year I was shocked by the sight of a clearly nude character, but a character who is just as sexualized, if not more so, is acceptable as long as she has some manner of clothing, regardless of how impractical it is. This is how readers can easily ignore the absurdity of costumes worn by Supergirl, She-Hulk and Psylocke.

This is no novel insight on my part, but at least I'm able to trace back the roots of this problem. I may be more conscientious of the sexism in comics now thanks to an education in feminist theory, but I still find myself ignoring arched backs, clenched butts and boob windows as things that are "just there." And this is a problem, not so much because boys like me come to expect women to live up to these ideals (we really don't) but that our eyes are trained to be blind to overt sexism.

While I know that I turned out all right, I find myself concerned about other ten year olds being exposed to the same hyper-sexualization of women. I have no problem with comic books being populated with attractive women, after all, no artist is going to want to draw page after page of ugly people, but there needs to be a change in what is considered sexy and desirable in comics. Katchoo and Francine from Strangers in Paradise both have realistic body types and wear realistic clothing, yet both are portrayed as being very sexy in their own right. Oracle doesn't need to be twisting around in her wheelchair in tight leather pants to be hot. She's a hundred times hotter when she's fucking up some villain's plans with her wit and intelligence. We don't need to ban sexy from comics, just make it less damaging.

Up next on Nostalgia Week: The comic I chopped wood for.

Jumping on the ComicSpace bandwagon

2006-12-08T10:44:00.000-05:00

It looks like comic geeks now have their own answer to MySpace in ComicSpace. It's just opened and it pretty bare bones, but it might get cool in time.

I'm right here.

Nightwing is a dirty slut

2006-12-08T07:42:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one that was really creeped out by Dick's come on to Ryan in Nightwing #127?

She's giving him a massage, which happens to be her job, and when she tell him she's done and to go get dressed, he asks why. Literary. He looks at her and says "Why?" I cannot help but read it like some sleazy frat boy counting down to a date rape. I'm surprised I didn't see a six-pack of Bacardi Raz in the corner.

I know Dick is supposed to be a stud and all, but this just comes off as slutty. He's only been flirting with this girl at best and suddenly he's ready to have sex with her at her job? He even spends some time thinking about all the other women he's bedded down in the past elsewhere in the issue. I suspected it when his first One Year Later appearance was in some strange woman's bed but this just confirms it.

Dick Grayson is a ho-bag.

Nostalgia Week: Superman, Man of Steel #37

2006-12-07T06:32:00.000-05:00

I was 10 years old when the Zero Hour miniseries and its bajillion tie-ins were published in 1994, and come to think of it I don't even remember knowing what Zero Hour was when I picked up Superman, Man of Steel #37. I think it should be pretty obvious why I thought this issue would rock: Batman(s)!

Really, it was probably the inclusion of the Animated Series version of Batman on the cover that made this comic so desirable to me. Sadly, TAS-Bats does not actually appear inside. That was my first encounter with a deceptive comic book cover.

The story, which I remember being frustratingly inaccessible and confusing to by young mind, takes place after something has reduced much of Metropolis to ruins. Since I hardly ever read Superman, I have no idea what this could have been. We'll assume it was a giant robo-gorilla. Anyway, some guy with a pony tail is putting on a benefit concert. He talks to Lois and Clark about it, all while being a total dick to Clark, who also has a pony tail. Clark is about to beat the guy up before Lois defuses the situation. Disappointing really, since I would love to see Superman engage in a pony tail pulling match. As they are walking away, Clark gets all emo about not being able to save Metropolis from destruction (although the entire city has probably been destroyed and rebuilt a dozen times since Superman showed up) when he sees some flashes of light that are in Morse code. Clark changes to Superman and flies up to meet Batman on a roof.

What Superman doesn't know is that this is not the normal post-Crisis Batman. It is in fact the Batman of the late-60's and early 70's, a.k.a "Neil Adams Batman." It's hard to tell right away since Adams was the shit and was years ahead of his time, so it very well could be plain ol' Batman. Of course, the reader can tell something is up once Batman gets to talking about how there is a "time anomaly" in Gotham with people from other time periods popping up. Louise Simonson does a great job imitating the dialogue of various writers, just as artist Jon Bogdanove succeeds in accurately replicating the style of other artists. Superman, on the other hand, doesn't catch on until Batman asks him what happened to his hair and if he was "going hippie." Superman replies, "WTF! Didn't you like break your back?" Adams-Bat tells Superman he has clearly been smoking pot.*

And I wish this issue was titled "Crisis on Infinite Batmans!"

Across town, the pony-tailed douchebag concert promoter is attacked by a huge group of visored thugs who look vaguely familiar. Who comes to his rescue but Batman! Make that The Goddamn Batman!

Now, as a twenty-three year old geek who has had the time to read many of the classic Batman stories, it was cool to see Frank Miller's Batman jump into action and beat on some Mutants. But when I was ten I had no clue who Frank Miller was, let alone have had the chance to read The Dark Knight Returns. So, instead of "Oh cool," I'm sure my reaction at the time was "Why is Batman fat?"

What follows is a cool page that looks just like it was ripped from Dark Knight Returns.

Once all that awesomeness is out of the way, the Batmen meet each other and complete each other's sentences. Adams-Bat is a nerd and The Goddamn Batman acts like a dick. They are totally in character.

It seems that the Mutants are really digging the destroyed Metropolis and aren't too keen on the concert raising money to rebuild the city. Because of this, Superman and the Batmen decide to hang out at the concert to protect the innocent people there, which happens to be half of Metropolis. They seem oddly nonchalant about the fact that there are two of the same person standing around, but I guess they've seen enough crazy shit in their lives that it's hard to get worked up over something like a time anomaly. As they are standing around they get a visit from yet another Batman, who we will call The Bat-Man.

The Bat-Man begins to give his obligatory lines on what is going on in Gotham, but instead of saying "time anomaly" he says "time mistake," which made me laugh for all its 1930's pulp diction. Adams-Bat tells The Bat-Man that he's an idiot and that we're using the term "time anomaly" during this adventure. Adams-Bat morphs into Kelly Jones' Batman mid-sentence.

Now that we have three Batmen together, it's time for the obligatory group-perch shot.

I love how The Batman looks like he is about to make a sweet spot on the carpet, just like he did in Detective Comics #27. And The Goddamn Batman and Comically Long Cape Batman are perfect representations of their original forms.

Okay, so the Mutants attack the concert and shoot the singer on stage through the throat. But it's all right because she's some kind of vampire. Superman and the Batmen beat up the Mutants, including their massive tank. In the end very few people in the crowd even knew they were under attack. Now that is what I call heavy metal! It was so loud that the people didn't even notice the tank exploding behind them. After the concert Superman takes the Batmen to some professor's laboratory where they deduct that they are from alternate timelines, not universe. I'm not sure how it is that the Bat-Man and the Goddamn Batman can be from the same world but different timelines when they look completely different. It's like that episode of the Simpsons when Homer came to the real world and was a 3D model of himself. Clearly he's from a different universe and not a world where people evolved to look like cartoons. But whatever, this is hypertime so it doesn't have to make sense.

The Batmen switch into other versions a few times before finally fading away. It's kind of funny when the Goddamn Batman morphs into the cartoony Gay But As In Happy Batman of the 1960s. After they are all gone Superman gets a signal and flies off to meet real Batman. Or specifically the "New Look" Means No Blue Panties Batman.

And why bother asking "What's up," Superman? Clearly he's here because there is a fucking time anomaly!

Now that I have some understanding of Zero Hour, it was fun to re-read this issue, especially since I get all the other references to DC history. I like comics like this, which are more about the DC's real world legacy than the in-comic continuity. The other Zero Hour tie-ins were cool too. We'll have to talk about those some other time.

Up next on Nostalgia Week: "Psylocke makes me feel funny. Down there."

*Okay, not really, but it would be much cooled than the actual dialogue.

Civil War is over, if you dream it.

2006-12-06T07:48:00.000-05:00

We interrupt Nostalgia Week for this entry from Rob's dream diary.

Last night I had a dream about how Civil War (that would be the Marvel Comics event in seven parts) could potentially end.

In my dream all of the uncaptured heroes of the Marvel Universe gather together. This includes Iron Man and all the other pro-registration heroes. It seems that Spider-Man's deflecting to the rebel team got everyone thinking and they decided to sit down and actually talk things out. They must have had some sort of debate but I don't remember any. It was all very civil and no one punched anyone else through a wall. It was very out-of-character for every superhero ever.

So a consensus was reached and a plan was hatched but I did not know what it was at that point. What I did know is that everyone was friends again and Captain America needed me, my wife and her family to build all the superteams new headquarters. This massive construction project consisted of us sticking bushes into a sandy field and propping the bushes up with small wooden boards. I think I made a puddle next to mine with a garden hose. One of the Young Avengers (probably Hawkeye) complained about the new "headquarters" but Captain America just told her to, "Shut the fuck up and learn the Goddamn meaning of respect." Captain America was a grumpy grandfather in this dream.

After the new bush bases were constructed, everyone boarded a huge robot that looked like Iron Man. It was using this robot that they would launch the attack on the real enemy: the offices of Marvel Comics. Apparently the roof of Marvel Comics' building had been transformed into a concentration camp for superheroes and the company itself was responsible for all th troubles. Among the prisoners on the roof were miscellaneous X-Men (but specifically Gambit among them) and the kids from Gen 13. The dream ended with Captain America telling Marvel Comics over a loud speaker that he was going to "fuck them up."

What could it all mean?

Nostalgia Week: Batman #446

2006-12-05T21:51:00.000-05:00

We are kicking off Nostalgia Week with the comic book which may be at the very root of my current level of geekdom. Batman #446 was published in April of 1990 and it was my very first Batman comic. Assuming that I came into possession of this comic the month it was printed, I would have been six years old when I first read this issue. And that would explain why I didn't understand a God damn thing that happens in it. Lenin is on the cover for Christ's sake! All I knew was that Batman was awesome, he gets beat up a lot in this issue and that made me sad.

So the story, which I definitely had zero grasp of back then, revolves around the NKVDemon wanting to kill off ten Russian officials he blames for the failure of the Soviet Union. When this issue opens, Batman is on the look out for the Demon at a Russian and American hockey game. Although the script seems to think that it is a soccer game for some reason. Anyway, the Demon wants to kill some guy in the audience but Batman can't figure where the attack will come from since the Demon is a master of disguise. Batman decides to check out the locker room to see if anything is amiss there. He finds nothing. Nothing that is, except a corpse stuffed into the shower drain!

That is fucking gruesome. And it is only the first of several images from this issue that have been burned into my head since I was kid. I probably have not read this issue for at least ten years and upon reading it tonight I found the images in my head to be exactly what was printed on the page. Talk about making an impression.

Back to the story. Turns out the Demon is on the ice in the goalie's uniform. When Batman finally gets out of the locker room, the Demon is already sending exploding hockey pucks into the stands. Batman prevents the Demon from assassinating his target but as the killer makes a break for it, the Demon goes totally batshit and starts shooting random people. While wearing a hockey uniform.

I don't think I would have seen any Friday the 13th movies at the point in time, but I probably knew who Jason was and that he had the habit of killing people. This is probably why I always remembered the hockey player in this comic to be so damn scary. I didn't remember what he was doing, killing innocent people in the street, but I knew he was downright evil.

Batman chases after the Demon, finally cornering him on a train. The Demon decides to stop being the creepy hockey player killing people in the streets to instead be the creepy hockey player who holds a knife to a poor old woman's throat.
Instead of risking the woman's life, Batman agrees to let the Demon go, but instead of leaping from the train in some awesome but safe way, Batman instead just jumps out. The results must have made little Rob want to cry.

But don't worry, Batman is rescued by Russian cops and taken to a hospital. Of course they keep his mask on in respect of his privacy. Totally makes sense to me. Batman is shown recovering in the hospital for about a page before he is back in action. This is one of the few elements that clearly was warped in my memory because I'd always remembered Batman being in the hospital for a long time and that his life was in serious danger. Turns out that he only had some scratches and after chilling out for a while was ready for action.

Which brings us to another part of the story that I grossly misinterpreted as a child. On the next page we find Bruce Wayne talking to the obligatory Russian guide/love interest. He comes up with some bullshit about Batman landing on him while he was waiting for a train. The whole while Bruce is covering his chest with bandages (which actually looks like only masking tape). His friend helps him put on his shirt and he grimaces in pain. At least now know it is pain. Before I was under the impression that Bruce was angry and was about to smack a bitch.

Now that I think of it, I'm sticking to my initial reading of this panel. Bruce is fucking pissed.

Batman and his Russian cop buddy are able to deduct where and when the Demon will attack next and set up an elaborate sting operation. It's a little too involved to explain in this review, but let's just say it involves Batman dressing up like a former Soviet official and then ripping off the disguise once the Demon makes his move. I'm not sure how Batman is able to hide his cowl underneath his old dude make-up (or hide the four inch points sticking out the top of his head) and I'm sure that I was even more confused when I was six years old.

Batman chases after the Demon, who gets an opportunity to change into his standard supervillain outfit, which is pretty cool. Batman chases the the Demon unto the scaffolding about the huge political function where the assassination was to take place. Batman and the Demon go at it, bound together by one of Batman's ropes. The Demon is able to get in some good blows, opening up Batman's wounds and successuly shocking baby Rob.

As if that was not enough, the Demon is able to get a hold of what appears to be a paint scrapping tool and thus faciliate an image that will be forever burned into my memory.

That is fucking brutal.

The issue ends with the Demon kicking Batman off the scaffolding and then cutting the line that Batman was hanging from. The final panel shows Batman's beaten body falling to the ground, a typical cliffhanger. Only, for six-year-old me, there was a very serious threat. I was really, honestly scared that Batman would die as I saw no possible way for him to escape death. I never was able to read the issue that follows and it haunted me for years without resolution. I still haven't read the next part of the story, and while I know that Batman does not die, I would still love to know how he manages to escape fate and beat the Demon's ass.

I may not have understood much of this surprisingly ultraviolent comic as a kid, but I'm sure it was instrumental in cementing Batman my all-time favorite fictional character. And I'm probably the total geek I am today because of my love for this issue.

Up next on Nostalgia Week: "Holy shit, that's a lot of Batmans!"

Starting tomorrow: Nostalgia Week!

2006-12-04T07:22:00.000-05:00

Starting on Tuesday, I will begin a celebration of those comics that hold a dear place in my heart. Mostly, they are comics I loved as a kid but never really understood as my comprehension of concepts such as international politics, interpersonal relationships, space/time and words were severely underdeveloped when I first read them. This week I take a look back at those single issues that made me the geek I am today and see just how they hold up now that I'm older.

Nostalgia Week may be a wonderfully light-hearted stroll down memory lane or it may be a series of soul-crushing realizations that I was one stupid kid.

First stop on the Nostalgia Express is my very first Batman comic, the surprisingly brutal Batman #446

Getting in the Christmas spirit with Batman

2006-12-01T19:42:00.000-05:00

Batman fucking hates Christmas.

I need help with my Batman geekness!

2006-12-01T09:09:00.000-05:00

So I'm trying to put together a detailed reading list for Post-Crisis Batman and the only major obstacle I have left is placing the stories from Legends of the Dark Knight somewhere into continuity. I was wondering if you people could help me place the storylines so I don't have to read each and every one to figure it out.

(Yeah, I know that LotDK is not often considered "in continuity," but I'm a completest, so I can't help it.)

I have a few storylines placed already. For instance, "Shaman," takes place some time before and after "Year One." "Venom" occurs before "Long Halloween" (or any other Two-Face origin of your choice) since Harvey Dent is still DA. "Grimm" takes place while Dick Grayson is newly Robin.

So, if you have any suggestions where I can place the storylines loosely in continuity, please let me know. I don't need detailed plot outlines (since I will eventually get around to reading them) just clues (i.e. Dick is Robin, Gordon is Captain, Oracle appears). Stuff like that. If there are no hints to continuity other than a general time frame, such as being an "early years" Batman story, that's okay since I'm making a category for such ambiguous stories.

Thanks and any help will be greatly appreciated!

UPADTE: No more need for help. I was able to get some tips from the ever-helpful nerds at thebatsquad.net and newsarama.com. I was finally able to place every LotDK story line loosely into continuity and now I'm ready to move on to better, less obsessive endeavors.

Starting December with a joke

2006-12-01T08:35:00.000-05:00

Comic blog goddess Ragnell has asked her readers to put the words in White Tiger's mouth.

Here's my attempt. Click the image to get a better view.

Boy, am I glad November is over!

2006-12-01T08:11:00.000-05:00

Yet another NaNoWriMo over and failed. Now that November is done,I can stop feeling guilty about how little progress I made on my graphic novel. Now I can just focus on the fact that I have some of it done.

November was a pretty slow month here at Continuity Error(!), although I don't exactly know why since I wasn't exactly punching out pages of my novel. By traffic stats for the month have up put me to shame. Well, December is another month. I've got some ideas kicking around my head, so if I just get to writing them, this should be a fun month.

Okay, let's do this!

I'm giving away books on BookMooch

2006-11-29T11:17:00.000-05:00

Last night I got around to unpacking some books and upon placing them on my new, big cinder block and plank bookshelf, found that I have waaaaay too many books. Many of the books I was putting on the shelf were books that I have no intention in reading or didn't even like and when there is a big box of books I do like that is still yet to be unpacked, this is very troubling.

So it is time to do something I told myself I would never do, that is before I began sharing a one-bedroom apartment with my wife. It is time to get rid of some books.

Instead of attempting to sell my unwanted books on eBay, which has never worked well in the past, I'm going to give BookMooch a shot. BookMooch is a site that allows you to give away the books you don't want in exchange for credits, which in turn allow you to request books from others or donate to charities. The idea of getting rid of the biggest dust collectors on my shelf in exchange for books I really want (all for free!!!) is very appealing.

I already have a few books up. Most are horror novels and anthologies from my "horror fiction is the best thing in the world" phase. No comic books at this time and likely not ever, unless someone gives me a Thor comic or some crap like that. I'll be putting up more and more books in time, especially if this proves to be a success.

Check out my BookMooch profile and what books I'm giving away here. Take a look at what I'm giving away or looking for and if you sign up (which I highly suggest), add me as a friend.

The Worst Superhero Names

2006-11-29T09:49:00.000-05:00

Lore Sjöberg has a new column up on Wired.com, this one tackling a few of the most poorly named heroes and villians.

She-Hulk
I guess I should be glad they didn't call her "Hulk Woman," or worse yet, "Hulk Girl." Still, female comic book characters deserve more than a half-assedly feminized version of another hero's name. They have to put up with those bust-lifting outfits, fighting in high heels, and that painful-looking pose where their lower spine forms a perfect "J," at the least they should get a name of their own.
Robin
It's easy to spot the good Batman movies; they're the ones without Robin in them. There are enough problems with being the kid sidekick of a billionaire vigilante, but when you're named after some wimpy little worm-eating bird? Clearly Batman just called his youthful colleague "Robin" to make himself look cooler by comparison. I'm surprised he wasn't called "Whoopty-Woo the Precious Bongo Boy."

Shazam and the Monster Society of Evil preview online

2006-11-27T07:54:00.000-05:00

When I learned of the upcoming Shazam and the Monster Society of Evil miniseries, I was faced with a sort of conundrum. Firstly, this is a Captain Marvel miniseries and if there is one character in the DCU that I have no interest in reading about it is Captain Marvel. I have a hard enough time reading Superman than having to deal with the "Gee willikers" corniness of Shazam. So here's the problem: Jeff Smith is writing and drawing this thing and Jeff Smith is just as incredibly awesome as Captain Marvel is incredibly boring. So what do I do? Do I lay down six bucks for a prestige format book about a character I can't stand even though it is created by one of the greatest writers and artists ever? Or do I just wait for Jeff Smith to do something cooler?

These preview pages from Newsarama help seal the deal.

Actually seeing Smith's gorgeous art is a comfort, rubbing my back and telling me everything it going to be okay. Sure, they writing might be a little sub par (I mean, how exactly is Billy supposed to know that the creepy old man's magic word is an acronym?) but it's fucking Captain Marvel. I can only expect so much.

The joy (and creepiness) of Google Analytics

2006-11-16T11:44:00.000-05:00

Maybe it was a mistake to title a post "Dr. 13: Incest for the kiddies," because it would seem that a lot of my traffic from Google is a result of searches for "incest" or variations of it. In fact, I've gotten 59 visits from people searching for "incest" and I can't imagine they were pleased with what they found.

Here are the top five things people have Googled to find my blog since I started it:
1. incest (59 visits)
2. incest comics (5 visits)
3. jla vs predator (5 visits)
4. dr. incest (3 visits)
5. nowrimo (3 visits)

While these search terms do creep me out, at least there are just as many people finding me for my views on the epic battle between the Justice League and the Meta-Predators as there are people finding me for my non-existent supply of incest-related comics.

Oh, so THAT'S what Sue heard!

2006-11-16T10:30:00.000-05:00

I just got around to reading Fifty-Two #27 last night. Now I finally now that it was that Sue Dibny heard in her house just before she was killed, one of the more obnoxious plot holes of Identity Crisis.

It was just Ralph and Jean doing some time travel!

After reading the scene I couldn't decide if it was silly or just completely cheap. I told my wife that they were finally explaining the mystery sound and she just rolled her eyes and asked why Ralph didn't just stop her murder if he was able to travel back in time. That's a pretty good question considering his mental state. I'm surprised he was more concerned with punishing Loring than saving his wife, regardless of how bad it would screw up the time/space continuum. But maybe he just didn't want to fuck up the nice New Earth the DCU just got a few months ago.
Someone please, please tell me that someone at DC has claimed that this was "planned from the beginning" and was not just some quick, cheap and sensationalized clean up of a gaping plot hole that only served to distract the readers of the original mini-series. I would love to hear some editorial BS of the highest order.

Oh, and I don't like how the Question just suddenly has lung cancer. That is equally cheap. Boo!

Civil War #5: I approve!

2006-11-16T09:39:00.000-05:00

Civil War #4 was a little rough for most of us. There was Clone-Thor (although it is now referred to as a cyborg, go figure), the red-shirt death of Goliath, Sue leaving Reed for the anti-registration side and then there was the unveiling of new all-evil Thunderbolts. There were a lot of angry voices out there in the blogosphere, but for me Civil War #4 was "The 'Meh' Issue."

Civil War #5, on the other hand, was "The 'Fuck Yeah!' Issue."

(Psst! This is where the spoilers start.)

The first "Fuck Yeah!" comes as Spider-Man tells Iron Man just where he can stick his we-need-to follow-this-rule-no-matter-what douchebaggery.

Of course, I was hoping Spidey would at that point proceed to beat the shit out out the Iron Sell Out, but at least he did knock him through a wall before making his escape. That's another "Fuck Yeah!" for the scoreboard.

And then there was the ultimate highpoint for me. Spider-Man, already severely wounded, is getting beat up by too third-tier villains (Jack O' Lantern and the Jester) whom I have never read in a comic before, when he is saved by the ultimate badass/psycho of the Marvel Universe: The Punisher.

(I'd just like to take a moment to say I totally called that the ski-mask guy was none other than Frank Castle. I knew it! Although, I was afraid he would have been on the pro-registration side but it's good to see him working with the good guys... uh, I mean, working with the resistance.)

Seeing those white boots and black tights was cool, but seeing him burst in on Captain America's hideout, holding the bloody and broken Spider-Man made me yell out, you guessed it, "FUCK YEAH!"

The final moment of pure awesomeness comes as Daredevil is being ushered to his jail cell in the Negative Zone. Iron Douche somehow thinks he can convince Matt to join the sell-outs, even offering him the leadership position of his own super hero team. Daredevil, the supreme badass he is, has a gift for Tony: a silver dollar. When Stark asks what it means, Matt remarks that Tony now has thirty-one pieces of silver. DAMN! I didn't know Daredevil had fire powers, cause Tony just got burned! And with a Biblical reference. Fuck yeah!

Of course, not everything was explicative and affirmations. There were plenty of awkward moments in the story.

Firstly, anyone who is not reading Amazing Spider-Man (which is more of a Civil War companion book than Frontline) would not understand the sudden confrontation between Spider-Man and Iron Man. This is going to suck for anyone waiting for the trade.

What is the deal with Tigra? Is working with the Punisher so bad that she would narc on her team mates and switch sides? Is Tirga the new Sue Richards? Now I understand why the other heroes didn't want to work with the guy. He's crazy. But it just doesn't make sense for Tigra to betray the entire team over it, even before Cap decided on working with Castle in the first place. Or maybe she's just ordering pizza.

I really hate how the phrase "final battle" is being used. Maybe it's supposed to be somewhat metatextual, but it just reminds me of describing the plot structure of Star Wars when I was ten.

Another weird part is the explanation of the Fifty States Initiative. A superteam for every state, funded by taxpayer money? Firstly, this pretty much gives it away that the registration side looses because there is no way Marvel is going to add fifty more teams to the Marvel Universe. Although, I'd like to see who would get stuck on the Alabama or North Dakota teams.

Overall I really liked this issue. It was fun where the others were awkward. Or maybe I'm just too much of a Punisher fan-boy to know better. I'm looking forward to the next issue and Punisher War Journal now that Frank is back in the picture.

Hey, let's do some quick reviews!

2006-11-09T12:11:00.000-05:00

Haven't done this for a while. Let's do a quick run-down of my week's picks. And because I don't care if you've read this stuff or not, SPOILER ALERT!!!!

Y: The Last Man #51 - The best series I've read since Bone and now I'm finally caught up to buying the monthly issues. Brian K. Vaughan brings pulls all the stops with this issue. It's one "WTF-I-can't-believe-it!" revelation and "OMFG-what-happened?!?!" plot twist after another. My only real criticism is that the theory on the plague's origin presented in this issue had best not be the truth, because that would be silly.

Batman #658 - Well, that was anti-climatic. Maybe I didn't read the right issue. Someone tell me that this "highly anticipated storyline" did not just come down to superhero baby mama drama. You're on notice, Morrison!

Teen Titans #40 - I can't help but find these One Year Later issues of Teen Titans incredibly confusing. So we've got a story about a traitor that revolves around a half dozen characters we've never met before. Since when is there a Captain Atom, Jr.? Why is there a Captain Atom, Jr.? Same goes for mini-Zatanna. But I do like Miss Martian. She's cute. And really ugly. In any case, I just want this story to be over so we can get on to the Teen Titans East arc.

Civil War: Young Avengers/Runaways #4 - Okay, I'm only half way through this one, but I must ask how it is that the villain, who is an expert on the aliens of the Marvel Universe, did not know that breaking a Skrull's neck wasn't going to work? I can list my Skrull-starring comics read on two hands but even I know that snapping a shapeshifter's neck is never going to work. Seriously. Oh, and I love how this comic really only has one passing reference to Civil War. That's cute.

Doctor Strange: The Oath #2 - Brian K. Vaughan rules over all. Somehow he has made a character who I never gave two shits about into a really cool guy. This is definitely the best book I read this week, beating Y only because I didn't like all the zen crap. But vague occult mumbo-jumbo? I can eat that right up just as long as BKV is putting the spoon in my mouth along with his brilliant literary airplane sounds. Why is this only a mini-series?

Looking to '08

2006-11-08T15:22:00.000-05:00

Now that the midterm elections are behind us, let's look forward to to the next big political race.

Vote or Batman will humilate you

2006-11-07T09:14:00.000-05:00

Just a reminder...

2006-11-02T09:05:00.000-05:00

Just taking some time to once again plug Pull List, the social bookmarking site for comic book geeks. We've gotten a few more members, but not enough to make it viable. Check it out and help make it awesome.

Scott McCloud really needs to take his own advice...

2006-11-01T08:26:00.000-05:00

This morning, the dawn of NaGraNoWriMo, I was checking out the amazon.com page on Scott McCloud's Making Comics as it may come in handy this month. Glancing through the reviews I found this gem:

I have to agree with a previous reviewer --- Scott is mostly known for his entertaining educational comics series, but he hasn't had any REALLY successful comic books, so, although this new book is interesting and somewhat educational about comic book creation, I'm not sure he really has the authority to tell people how to make a successful comic. I mean, if Jim Lee wrote such a book, or Frank Miller, or Alan Moore --- I would believe their tips/secrets/advice wholeheartedly. I think I'd have more confidence if Scott were able to create a very successful comic book based on his own advice. I haven't seen this happen yet (I hope he does).

Maybe it doesn't count because it's so "educational" but isn't Understanding Comics one of the most universally revered graphic works of all time? I've had it suggested to me by several English professors when ever I've began spouting off my theories on the graphical nature of prose. Understanding Comics has never been out of print. I'd go out on a limb and say that it is the most successful non-fiction comic book ever (second only to Maus).

It really saddens me that someone would sooner take the advice of Jim Lee (whose creations are usually just X-Men rip-offs) than a proven comic scholar like McCloud. Maybe Zot! needs a Saturday morning cartoon.

Halloween geek party!!!

2006-10-31T12:49:00.000-05:00

Me as Two-Face, Gary as Batman, Clara as Black Canary, Joe as the Joker (as played by Caesar Romero) and Jessica as Robin (Stephanie Brown).

Happy Halloween!

2006-10-31T09:54:00.000-05:00

Happy Ghost Day! Here's a awesomely gruesome Vault of Horror cover to celebrate with.

Boo!

Bringin' Onslaught Back

2006-10-30T20:28:00.000-05:00

I may not listen to enough pop radio to fully appreciate this, but I do know it's silly.

Next month = Na(Gra)NoWriMo

2006-10-30T09:40:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I am one of those poor nerds/suckers who will be participating in National Novel Writing Month but I’ll be doing it a little differently. Inspired by Dave at Yet Another Comics Blog, instead of writing a 175-page novel, I will be writing the script for a 175-page graphic novel. This doesn’t exactly follow the rules of NaNoWriMo, but I’ve accepted my ineligibility for the No-Prize of winning the real NaNoWriMo.

There are several reasons why I’ve decided to tweak NaNoWriMo this year. First, I’ve been kicking around this idea for a story for over a year (maybe two) but I’ve never actually written it down. Since I believe that this story would only work properly in graphic novel form (especially since I can’t afford to film a blockbuster scifi/action epic on my paycheck) I knew I’d eventually have to write a script for it. And since NaNoWriMo is all about finally getting that novel written, I thought it only make sense to use the month to motivate me to finally get my shit together and something on paper.

Also, I’m not in the place, creatively to write long prose. It’s really shameful, but I really do not read much prose anymore. I’ve mostly only been reading comic books lately. Now, I’m not going to make a broad generalization about how prose is somehow superior to comics, but when you’ve been reading more Ms. Marvel than Kafka, tackling a 50,000 word prose novel is not a good idea. You’ve got to write what you know, and right now I know comics.

And writing a comic script, I think, will just be easier. Of course, I may actually end up writing close to 50,000 words by the end of the month (but most likely I won’t come close) but it just seems so much easier to structure a page of panels than it is to structure a page of paragraphs, especially since most of the writing in NaNoWriMo ends up being improvisational. I tried to write a novel last year and failed miserably because of the demand of one-the-spot prose writing at high quantities. I may be cheating and doing something apparently easier, but at least I’ll get something done.

I’ll be sure to post some on my progress next month. Wish me luck!

Update: Dave has set up a blog especially for NaGraNoWriMo. Any comic bloggers up to the challenge should check it out.

Dr. 13: Incest for the kiddies!

2006-10-19T07:52:00.000-05:00

Inspired by this post at Comic Book Thoughts, I found a copy of Tales of the Unexpected #1 and read the backup Dr. 13 story to see what all the fuss was about.

The good doctor is hot for his daughter. Real hot.

Now, I have no problem with the theme of incest being addressed in literature, including comic books. I don't even mind if it is the main character who is struggling with incestuous impulses, like Dr. Thirteen is. I do, however, object to the lighthearted approach and flippant attitude towards incest that this comic contains. I believe, because this comic is a "general audience" title and not a Vertigo book, that the writers and editors refuse to examine the true horror of incest for the sake of making decent sales.

Let's first get the incest out on the table so people reading this don't think I'm just "reading into it" too much.

First, the doctor dreams of his teenage daughter leaning over him as he lays shirtless in bed. She addresses him as "Daddy" and accompanying a close up of his seductive daughter is a word balloon saying "amazing." Thirteen then wakes up, screaming and in pajamas. The fact that he actually wears clothing to bed appears shirtless (perhaps nude) in his dream adds more to the sexual nature of the scene.
Later, in his narration, Thirteen says, "Doomsbury Mansion, our in -- uh -- ancestral home." He was going to say "incestral," a Freudian slip that proves that incest is very much on his mind.
Again, in his narration, Thirteen lingers on the fact that his daughter is accompanying him on his investigation. There is clearly a fixation on her, emphasizing their father/daughter relationship.
After a conversation about cannibalism, including a passing mention of the creation of "fantasies," Traci asks her father if he would ever consider eating her. Thirteen is startled by the question, suggesting that he gave the girl's innocent question a specifically sexual double meaning.

Let's not fool ourselves. Dr. Thirteen wants to bone is daughter.

Like I said, I have no problem with incest as a theme, especially as a major character flaw in the main character. Clearly Thirteen knows his desires are wrong and I object to anyone suggesting that Traci is doing any manner of seduction. This is all in Thirteen's fucked-up head. The problem is that, rather than confronting the awfulness of incest in a mature and constructive way, this comic uses incest for some easy laughs. It doesn't help that this is also a mainstream, in-continuity, general audiences title. In other words, this book is totally open to the kids.

I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is not a Vertigo title. Doctor Thirteen, a semi-obscure mystical character, seems pretty much perfect for Vertigo, and because of the lack of limitations on mature readers books, the theme of incest could have been addressed in a much more realistic and legitimate way. I would not mind reading about a parapsychologist who is being torn apart by guilt for his seemingly uncontrollable incestuous impulses. That would make for a good story. Hell, even a pitch-black comedy about the same theme would be better. But this isn't black comedy. This is a "kid friendly" adventure story.

I am convinced that this story is not appearing as a Vertigo title due to the editor's hopes to make a buck. Superhero comics sell much more than Vertigo books, which have been stigmatized as being "too smart" for most comic fans. Perhaps to cash in on some of the popularity of Grant Morrison's Seven Soldiers Zatanna miniseries, in which Thirteen is killed, this rather unremarkable, obscure character is given a backup story in what is essentially a Specter miniseries. Now, I don't think too many kids will be picking up Tales of the Unexpected since they would rather be reading about characters with recent blockbuster movies or TV shows, but some very well could having seen the Specter all through Infinite Crisis. This leads me to believe that TotU was made into a non-Vertigo book only to appeal to adult superhero fans but because kids might pick it up, the maturity of the story had to be drastically scaled back.

I think it is now time for an episode of "Hypothetical Fly-on-the-Wall Theater!"

Editor: So you want to do a Dr. Thirteen story, huh? He was just in Zatanna! Why don't we make it a backup for the Specter miniseries?

Writer: But my proposal involves incest. Don't you think that is a little inappropriate? I mean, I was thinking this would be a Vertigo book. Should I take it out?

Editor: No! We've got to appeal to the capes fans. Only snooty English majors who only call comic books "graphic novels" buy Vertigo titles. We need to make money on this. Just lighten up the incest stuff. Don't make it so serious.

Writer: But a kid might read it...

Editor: No, they won't! They're too busy figuring out their Identity Crisis trades.

I don't know if I'm giving the writer too much credit or just demonizing the editor, but the fact remains that PG-rated TotU is the wrong place to address a R-rated theme. Why this isn't its own Vertigo miniseries and the Specter story not the only feature in TotU will forever boggle my mind.

Oh, and I predict that all the incest stuff is coming from a demonic influence on Thirteen and is not a genuine character flaw. Someone let me know as I'm not going to bother reading any more of this crap.

Robbie luvs She-Hulk

2006-10-18T09:50:00.000-05:00

In semi-recognition of Ragnell and Kalinara's Beefcake/Cheesecake Appreciation Week, I thought I would share some comic book hotness, albeit with a twist. Instead of posting select panels of cheesecake, I'll instead focus on a single character that I almost consistently find insanely hot. She is the the ~~Savage~~ Supersexy She-Hulk.

Damn, girl!

Um, where was I... oh yeah! You see, normally I have a very hard time talking to people once they begin spouting off about how hot a character is. It's typically the artists who are responsible for a character's apparent sexiness, on account that superheroes aren't real people. Whether it's Catwoman, Power Girl, Jean Grey or Black Canary, the "hotness" of characters is almost always just a matter of how they are drawn or presented in a particular instance. I say "almost" because, for me, there is one glaring exception.

It's hard for me to put a finger on exactly what I find so attractive about She-Hulk. She's a successful lawyer and she can beat the crap out of pretty much anyone. Those factors are both sexy on their own. She also doesn't have a distractingly ridiculous costume like Psylocke or Wonder Woman*. Of course, I can't really pull a finger on what her costume is since she is almost always in a bathing suit, but this isn't a post about complaining over the absurd oversexualization of female heroes. This is about the cheesecake. And yes, the green skin is part of the appeal.

And here is where I make a shameful confession (as if drooling over a fictional green lady isn't pathetic enough). I've only read a handful of She-Hulk comics. They really aren't that good, so while I love She-Hulk, I've only really read a couple of stories that feature her. The current series is alright, but nothing to write home about. The original series, now criminally collected in a colorless Essentials book, was written by Stan Lee. Given Lee's record for writing strong female characters (he doesn't), it's safe that I will never be picking it up. I wonder how She-Hulk feels about Stan Lee?

Don't take that from the old douchebag, Shulky! I would love to see Stan Lee brutally beaten by one of his female creations. Or just throw him through a wall, for that matter.**

For now, it seems that She-Hulk will remain my guilty pleasure of pure eye candy. Hopefully some day I will be able to write something about She-Hulk's personality or how awesome she is outside of the realm of hotness, but not this week.

Okay, so that's my cheesecake appreciation post. I know it's stupid and sexist but I can't deny my hormone-fueled love for that green-skinned hottie. I will now go back to writing about stupid comic books and how I hate Virgin Comics advertisements, never to mention She-Hulk again at risk of looking like a complete pig.

But before I end this, there is room for one last, gratuitous bikini-clad She-Hulk.

Yikes.

*I should clarify that while I find Wonder Woman's costume to be silly looking, I still think she is awesome. And so do plenty of other She-Hulk fans considering all the WW/She-Hulk femslash fanart I found in creating this post. Psylocke, on the other hand, is just stupidly slutty.

**I mean, "Stan Lee is an incredibly creative man and is responsible for the best characters in comics." Yeah...

I hate this Virgin Comics banner

2006-10-12T07:41:00.000-05:00

Every time I see this animated banner ad for Virgin Comics' 7 Brothers, I am first confused and then annoyed. I must voice my disapproval.

My issue with this banner stems from the tagline "Comics will never be the same again." What ticks me off about this is that each time I see this add I automatically think that it is for some upcoming Marvel comic because the characters shown look EXACTLY like older, well established characters. Ripping off character design is nothing new to comics.

First there is the dude who looks just like Wolverine sporting his trusty, if not nonsensical cowboy hat. Really, do many Canadians wear cowboy hats? Anyway, it looks just like Wolverine, right down to the gritty, inky and intense action pose. If the character's hands were in frame, I would expect three foot-long claws sticking out of each.

And then there is the guy who is all leather and spikes, and I can't really say that it looks like any Marvel character. It looks a bit like one of DC's Female Furies as drawn by Amano Yoshitaka. Certainly a pale S&M enthusiast for a villain is nothing new.

And then Dr. Strange shows up! The first time I saw this banner I had to have it cycle through several times before I realized that it was not Stephen Strange at the end. All the text indicates that the banner is for 7 Brothers, which most people know is for Virgin, but they someone who looks exactly like Dr. Strange is in there. It blew my mind. The guy has a flowing red cape with a tall, horned collar, short black hair and possibly a porn star mustache. And he's being all mysterious and mystical. That IS Dr. Strange.

Every time I see that frame I forget what this banner is for and begin to wonder what Dr. Strange story Marvel is trying to promote. (Other than Brian K. Vaughan's kick ass Dr. Strange: The Oath miniseries.)

Curse you Virgin Comics! I thought ripping off characters from the two major publishers died with Youngblood!

Oh yeah, Trajectory died.

2006-10-12T06:44:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I finally got around to reading 52 Week 21 last night and I finally got to see what all the controversy was all about. Trajectory, a throw-away character from a throw-away team from a throw-away storyline in a book that I am sometimes wanting to throw away all together, was killed. She was a girl.

Now, I do understand that women have gotten the short end of the stick for fall too long in comics. Actually, they've mostly gotten the business end of laser guns, axes, refrigerators and Dr. Light. Comics have an awful history of brutalizing female characters where the male characters almost always come out clean and heroic. In comics, when a man dies, he is a martyr. When a woman dies, she is a plot device.

But I don't think this really is the case for Trajectory, the speedster of Lex Luthor's Infinity Inc. who had her neck twisted (off?) by some random villain being called the "new Blockbuster." She was clearly always meant to be killed off (murdered by Luthor, in fact) which is a bad sign, but she also, with the exception of Natasha Irons, was the most fleshed out character in the new Infinity Inc.

Of course, it is very sketchy that her career highlights were being hooked on drugs and being murdered, but we also knew her motivations and personality, which is more than we can say about the other members of Infinity Inc.. I can't even list the other members of Luthor's little troupe.

Now, I think it's pretty obvious that all of the members of Infinity Inc. is going to loose their powers by the end of 52. That would mean that even if Trajectory wasn't killed (let's say whichever one came from Gary, IN got his head ripped off), she till would have fallen victim to depowering and then obscurity. My point is, all of the characters of Infinity Inc. are made to be forgotten, so why should people be upset that the one who is given the spotlight but is also killed happens to be female? Would it have been better if she had remained in the background only to be depowered and tossed aside?

But then again, other than the well-established Natasha Irons, Trajectory was the only female character on the team (I think?). What were the odds she would be the one to be brutally killed?

Pull List: Make it awesome

2006-10-11T15:07:00.000-05:00

Because I've noticed that Digg is lacking a comic books category, I decided to do something about it. Thus I created Pull List, for all your social comic book bookmarking needs.

For those unfamiliar with not familiar with how sites like Pull List work, users find cool comic related news or sites and submits a links to such sites. Other users then check the submitted links out and, if they like what they see, give the stories votes. The more votes a story has, the cooler it must be. Also, users can comment on the links just as they could on a forum and the RSS feeds make Pull List work very much like a blog.

Join Pull List and help make is awesome.

A few thoughts on Nightwing #125

2006-10-06T07:53:00.000-05:00

When I heard that Marv Wolfman would be writing Nightwing, I got excited. Mostly because Wolfman and Dick go way back and I was sure he would drop that Jason Todd crap that Bruce Jones was using during his "One Year Later" arc.

I swear, I will boycott anything that features Jason Todd from no one. That dude must really be a zombie because whenever he shows up he stinks up the comic to high heaven.

Back on topic, I was looking forward to Wolfman writing and when I picked it up at the comic shop and saw that Dan Jergens would be drawing it, I got a wave of instant nostalgia. But it didn't take me two pages to realize that I really wasn't going to like this issue.

I will admit that it is better than Jones' crappy scripts, but that's not saying much. The issue is incredibly dated with Wolfman's sometimes chunky dialogue (and that narration, good God!) and Jergen's art looks exactly like it did fourteen years ago when I though he was the shit. This issue is way too retro for me.

There are a handful of really bad parts, like Raptor, who is some spaz in armor that somehow is able to take down Nightwing without even trying. Raptor's dialogue is especially bad. At one point Nightwing says something about how Rappy claims to have not killed someone. Raptor replies "I didn't. But you're not him!" I then expected him to say "I know you are, but what am I?" soon after.

And now we have new babes to fawn over Dick. There's Ryan who is a masseuse and then there is her roommate Zen, who is a bit of a ultra-liberal poststructalist Asian background character. She doesn't approve of the system of family names but she'll name herself after an Asian philosophy? Want to make a pool as to how long these two stick around. I predict they will leave as soon as Wolfman leaves the book.

And the script is a little spotty. I wish I had scans on hand to illustrate this point, but you'll just have to trust me that I'm totally right. Transitions between scenes are really, really jarring. On one page the scene shifts three times without any visual cues of transition. One panel has Dick, the next one is of Raptor across town, then back to Dick a few panel's later. It's just very sloppy and I haven't seen that level of poor transitions since the mid-eighties. Oh, yeah, it's Wolfman. And the only book of his I have is Crisis on Infinite Earths, which I never finished due to lack of interest and readability. Nostalgia has clouded my judgement again!

But it's not all bad.

The stuff with Dick trying to get back to himself is interesting. Of course, I don't understand why he can't find a job. He's one of the best heroes in the world, but he has no employable skills? He can't do some networking with those Wayne family connections? Whatever, it's still cool.

And then there is the shower scene, which I do like because it shows a male character clearly being eroticized, just like female characters always are. If it were a woman in the same panel no one would have batted an eye, but since it was Dick it really stands out. Good. I hope there are a thousand homophobic fanboys burning down forums in flamewars over it. And the slash fans are probably going rabid.

And the best part is just meta this comic is. One of the new Monitors shows up at the end, telling Dick that he was supposed to die in the Crisis and evidently it is a problem that he didn't. What is so cool about this is that Dan Didio, the editor-in-chief of DC Comics, wanted Nightwing to bite it during Infinite Crisis. Luckily, someone with half a brain saved Dick from this fate.

I really think we were very close to losing Dick there if you look at Infinite Crisis #7. On the page where Alex Luthor shoots Nightwing with some kind of energy gun, it looks like he is just knocked out, but Batman goes apeshit and holds a pistol to Luthor's head. My theory is that this page was drawn before it was decided that Nightwing would live but before it was sent to printing a word balloon indicating that Dick was dead was omitted. He was then added to the scene where Bruce and Tim sail off into the sunset.

Anyway, I think it is awesome that Wolfman is making a plot out of Didio's editorial stupidity. The art, clumsy transitions and awful dialogue really turn me off of this run, but the meta nature of the plot has me too intrigued to stay way.

He rises!!!

2006-10-06T07:46:00.000-05:00

Found over at Superdickery.com, this New Teen Titans panel proves why Nightwing is such a chick magnet.

Evidently Dick is able to be cured by a good boning.

JLA vs. Predator

2006-10-03T21:37:00.000-05:00

I took a few years away from comic books to focus on other things in my life like school, girlfriends and sunlight, and now that I’ve gotten back into the game I’m coming across tons of things I unfortunately missed.

The most unfortunate has to be JLA vs. Predator.

Why didn't someone tell me about this?

I like Predators, but the funny thing about them is that a great majority of their appearances have been in crossovers. With the exception of two movies and a few farted out mass-market paperbacks and comic books, the Predators have only shown up when they decide to hunt some other, more popular character. There has been Aliens vs. Predator, Batman vs. Predator, Superman vs. Predator, and even an Aliens vs. Predator vs. Terminator.

And some how all those crossovers made sense. Hunting different prey is what the Predators are all about. But the JLA? That is just madness!

Well, not so much “madness” as it is “a messy attempt at getting some cash from people who don’t know this is going to suck no matter what.”

I know you’re aching to know how this meeting can possibly happen, here’s what goes down:

The Martain Manhunter is doing what he does best: sitting around the JLA watchtower while everyone else actually does crime fighting. I swear he is the only member of the League who is ever “on duty” in the watchtower. Anyway, a Dominator (nasty aliens who look a little too much like "yellow peril" caricatures) spaceship is about to crash to Earth so J’ohn teleports them onto the watchtower. Only they aren’t alone. Something attacks him and the other Leaguers book it to the watchtower to save him. Here’s that they find:

Kyle’s reaction, instead of rage or sorrow, is total disgust. He puts the power ring to good use.

Superman’s reaction is similar to anger, but it’s really closer to the emotion found only in comics called “righteous exposition.” This is when something absolutely awful happens and instead of reacting like a human being, the character launches into an unnatural explanation of the events.* It does, however, give us a chance to see some of the worst drawn Predators ever published.

Whoa, that’s bad! The artwork in this comic constantly teeters between mediocre to what-the-hell-is-that bad. The writing is slightly worse.

It appears that J’ohn has kicked the bucket, thus getting my hopes up that the rest of the League will suffer horrible deaths, but it is not so. J’ohn escapes death by doing the coolest thing he has ever done. Ever.

This has to happen more often.

Sadly that is the best part of the entire fifty-page story. The rest is pretty dull stuff. The Dominators sneak to three different locations on Earth and the JLA splits into teams to track them down. This allows Wonder Woman to freak Aquaman out by being completely out of character and rambling on about how romantic Venice is. Each team encounters Predators that have the same powers as they do. That’s right, the Predator’s have their superpowers and that is how this comic is justified. Here’s what the Plastic Man Predator looks like:

Okay, so it turns out the Dominators made the “MetaPredators” to kill the JLA. All the Leaguers make it back to the watchtower and the Predators follow. The writer must have loved Aquaman, because it’s Arty who figures out that by mismatching the JLA and Predator counterparts, the League can take them out in no time. The plan works, although I don’t really understand how Batman is more of a match for the Flash Predator than the Flash himself. I know Batman is badass, but he can’t beat a super-fast Predator at a moment’s notice. Superman takes down his Predator completely off panel. Boring, except maybe for Kyle’s insisting on stripping a Predator down before beating it.

So then, like always, the Predators blow shit up rather than surrendering. They puncture the wall of the watchtower and are sucked out into space. No one else is. They live happily ever after, content to assume that it only takes the vacuum of space to kill a Predator with Superman’s powers.

This has got to be the worst Predator crossover ever. Unless I missed the Dazzler vs. Predator miniseries. Bad stuff, but it was still worth it to see Martian Manhunter get his head on a stake and grow a face through his chest.

*Another good example of this is Cyclops’ three panels of exposition immediately after Jean Grey, the woman he loves, kills herself at the end of the Dark Phoenix Saga. And he wonders why no one likes him.

Quick Reviews

2006-10-02T07:08:00.000-05:00

Amazing Spider-Man #535 - In case you're wondering which of the bajillion Civil War tie-ins in the best, it is without a doubt the "War Comes Home" arc in Amazing Spider-Man. Out of all the monthly tie-ins, ASM is the most directly connected to the main series and is also the most interesting. In this issue, after dwelling on the use of the Clone Thor (Spidey hates clones) as a secret weapon and the resulting death of Goliath, Peter demands as tour of the super-prison where all the superheroes and supervillians spend their supertime for supercrimes. For some reason, the prison got a make-over since its appearance in Civil War: Frontline #6, where is looked like a Nazi prison camp. Let's just say that Spidey didn't like what he saw. And I loved what I saw with the last page. No spoiler, but let's just say that the one thing I've been waiting for since Road to Civil War is finally going down.

Teen Titans #39 - I can safely say I have no idea what is going on. It's hard to keep the drama going with so many new characters who are nothing more than homages to the original, adult versions. Do we really needs Zatara or Captain Atom Jr? Miss Martian is cool though.

Batman #657 -Awesome issue. The best of Morrison's run so far. For months leading up to this storyline I was dreading reading it purely because it brings Son of the Demon back into continuity. Now, Son of the Demon is a fun story and I have nothing against Batman having a kid. What I don't like is having the kid hang around the batcave. It's simply.... troubling to me. I didn't even really like it when Bruce adopted Tim. I must be anti-bat-family. But this storyline is shaping up to be a good one, especially in this issue that showcases the dynamics between Damien (that name, yesh!) and Robin. Of course, it does leave me wondering how the Ninja Man-Bat Army plot is going to be resolved with only one more issue left in the arc.

Civil War: Frontline #6 - I really don't care too much for this series. It's nice to get so much Civil War every month (especially with the delays) but I have not connected to any of the stories in this series. To sum up this issue: Ben Urich nails Iron Man, the superprision is a death camp, Marvel is not above dropping lame JFK assassination references, and Iron Man's side is likened to Nazis. At least now we know who the bad guys are.

Justice League of America #2 - I must be so lame, because I think the best part of this issue is Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman giving commentary on different DC heroes. Some stuff is going on with Red Tornado and a bunch I villains I don't recognize. And there is a blurb from Entertainment Weekly on the cover. That kinda weirded me out.

Robert Downey Jr. = Iron Man

2006-09-29T06:52:00.000-05:00

According to Newsarama, Robert Downey Jr. has been cast as Tony Stark in the upcoming Iron Man movie.

Instead of pointing out and making a joke about how both the character and the actor share histories of alcohol abuse*, I'll just say that I think Downey is a pretty good pick. I like him as an actor and I think he can pull off the cocky, self-righteous douchebaggery of the comic character.**

Yay for Robbie D!!!

MovieBob wrote the blog post I wish I had written on this. Read it and tell me how right I am.

*Oh, looks like I just did.
**Have I mentioned that Civil War is he first comic I've read that actually stars Iron Man?

X-Men Sucked in the 1960s

2006-09-26T22:34:00.000-05:00

When I learned that it is possible to read every X-Men comic ever made*, I had a bright idea. I was going to read each comic starting from the very beginning. It was going to be epic, it was going to be awesome, it was going to be the nerdiest thing I could possibly do. And then I read Uncanny X-Men #1.

And that shit was bad.

And I don't mean "bad" as in "it's from the Silver Age so it has to be cool." I mean those comics are some of the worst crap I have ever read. Ever. I ended up reading half of the first issue before skimming the rest of it. I then skimmed though the next twenty issues before jumping ship and skipping directly to John Byrne's X-Men: The Hidden Years, which was just barely readable.

And so I present to you, just in case you are even considering reading these monstrosities, six reasons the X-Men sucked in the 1960s.

1) If a character appeared in a panel, they get a line. Apparently, these old comics were created in an idiotic process where the writer would plot the story, the artist would then translate that story into panels and then the writer would stick in the dialogue. No doubt this is why Stan Lee was able to tack a word balloon to every character in every panel. See for yourself:

About 80% of the dialogue in these issues is completely useless. But maybe this was really nuanced character development and I was too distracted by Stan Lee's threat to narc on me to Professor X to notice.

2) People talk waaay too much. When it came to the word bubbles, Stan Lee was all about the quantity over quality. Someone needed to get that guy a copy of Elements of Style. Omit needless words, mothafucka!

Lee's characters were such jabberboxes that in one panel in Uncanny X-Men #1, Magneto is almost totally obscured by a word balloon.

3) Overt sexism. Don't give me the "it was a different era" bullcrap. The treatment of Jean was absolutely ridiculous! Take a look at this panel, shortly after she was introduced to the rest of the team.
What a slut.

Later, the guys are seen peeping on Jean as she changes into her uniform. I love how Beast tries to pin the blame on Jean. She was just asking for it. Pervy douchbag.

And what do you think happens when the Juggernaut pwns most of the X-Men. Jean dresses up in a nurse uniform, of course!

Note the excellent use of Reason 1 in this panel.

4) "Natch." The worst slang ever. Stan Lee must have used it like as a basic unit of grammar. It's everywhere in these comics. It means "naturally." It always sounds wrong.

5) Magneto was psychic. The first time I saw Magneto project his astral form, I keep waiting for it to be explained away, because it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. But that never happened, and for all I know Magneto still has psychic abilities. Even John Byrne's train wreck The Hidden Years features Magneto's mind powers. Maybe they got wipped away when Magneto was turned into an infant. Yeah, that happened too.

6) These kids were boring! Or maybe they were just obnoxious. I can't really tell. Even in the 20+ issues I skimmed through, they never evolved past their most basic character traits. In one scene when Prof X mentally calls the X-Men together, we are shown what the kids like to do in their free time, and basically learn all there is about their personalities.

Beast is doing homework, so he's a nerd. Jean is doing aerobics, so she's a self-obsessed object of desire. Angel is listening to the radio because he's totally unremarkable in every way. And Iceman is drinking a huge milk shake because he's such a goofball. Off panel, Cyclops is snorting coke off a hooker's ass.

Now what you know why these stories sucked, lets see how many you can spot in this single splash page from Uncanny X-Men #6.

Let's see... Jean makes dinner for all the men, each character gets their own line, Beast is still a nerd and Iceman is covering his pie with snow like a complete idiot. Why would he put snow on a pie??? I haven't eaten snow since I was 8 years old.

But, if there is one thing that the old school X-Men had going for them, it was Cerebro v1.o.

So awesome.

*I would go into details on how this is possible, but I don't want to incur Joe Quesada's wrath.

Quick Reviews

2006-09-22T10:42:00.000-05:00

Runaways #20 - After the grim and lackluster "Return of the Pride" storyline, it would appear that the Runaways have gotten their groove back. Of course, the team is not exactly in a good place with Chase hellbent on resurrecting Gerty and Xavin's robophobic antagonizing of Victor, but still, this issue feels like a return to the glory days of the team (and by "glory days," I mean "about six months ago"). The real star of this issue is Molly, and I'm sure all Runaway fans gave a collective "FUCK YEAH" when she laid the beat-down on Dogzilla.

Robin #154 - This issue reminds me of the glory days of the title, those mid-Nineties, Chuck Dixon issues with Robin up against realistic criminals. The art work also reminds me of that era, as it is cartoony, but doesn't go overboard with the big eyes and spiky hair. Overall a good, if not nostalgic, issue. But I hate that Dodge punk. I can't wait for him to get blown up.

X-Men: The First Class #1 - So we have another throw back to the 1960's era X-Men, those yellow and black pajamas and weak-ass powers. I had to read this book because, if there is one era I hate the most in comics, it's the 1960's X-Men. That stuff was awful, so I was happy to hear of something that might add some quality to the original team. Luckily, the quality is there. But, saddly, the continuity is not. Thanks to references to email and X-Boxes, there is no way we can fit these stories into continuity (at least not for another ten years). The art is great and the characterizations are pretty good, especially compared to the wooden and/or obnoxious characters of the 1960s. Plotwise, this is a little too simular to the deus ex machina riddened issues of Stan Lee. So, to wrap it up: Much better than the original 60's stories and better than X-Men: The Hidden Years, but not as strong as my need for quality retroconning.

Civil War: X-Men #3 - Why is it that the Civil War tie-in mini series have less to do with Civil War than the monthly tie-ins do? Four days after reading this, I barely remember what happened. I am only left wondering why the X-Men don't have a major part in Civil War as a whole? If there is one thing the X-Men hate, it'd be registration. Oh well, at least the Wolverine tie-ins are (getting) good (again).

Birds of Prey #98 - I read this out of interest in who it is dressing up as Batgirl Classic and fighting crime in Metropolis. I'm not sure, but I think I should have just let my curiosity go. I'll just say that the Birds confront the "new" Batgirl and she turns out to be someone/something I couldn't have expected. I think Gail Simone laid down some dark vengeance on me.

Pride of Baghdad - A quick review can't do this book justice, but for now all I can say is, "Wow!"

Kinda a Civil War #4 review

2006-09-22T09:36:00.000-05:00

So Civil War #4 finally came out. Because of the long wait and OMG-did-that-just-happen plot of the issue, I thought I would give quick review/reflection on it.

OMG SPOILER ALERT!!!1

Captain America calls Iron Man a "Pampered Punk": Hell yeah! I've never been a big Cap fan, but he was just badass in this fight (and the rest of the issue).

Thor kills Goliath: I've always thought that Thor was a douchebag, clone or not. I bet some smelly fanboys (and you know a Thor fanboy has got to smell bad) are pissed off right now but I couldn't care less. As for Goliath, since my experience with the Marvel Universe has really been limited to the X-Books, some Spider-Man and a little Daredevil, I really didn't know much about this guy. In fact, I think Civil War is the first book I've read with him in it, so his death doesn't exactly shock me. I was hoping that Hercules was going to be the one to bite it, but whatev. So far DC's Big Summer 2006 Crossover had a much cooler casualty list.

Sue Richards switching sides: The Fantastic Four is totally shattered now, with the Thing claiming nutrality, (is he leaving the country still?) Mr. Fantastic a leader of the Pro-Registration force and Sue and Johnny Storm crossing over to the rebel side. It's about time those four bums got interesting.

Peter "acting funny": Screw waiting for the climatic showdown between Cap and Iron Man. The fight I want to see is a fed up Spidey telling Iron Man where he can stick his "loyalty." And Spidey can do it while getting rid of that rediculous Iron Spider costume.

Who is Ski-Mask Man?: It's the Punisher. Duh.

WTF END SPOILERS ???2

Overall I thought it was a good read. Other than Goliath's death, nothing really happened, but it did set the stage for maximum awesomeness.

Uncanny X-Men #124: Best cover ever?

2006-09-22T09:34:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been reading through X-Men comics from the 1970s. As a whole, it's pretty rough reading, with Chris Claremont's dense and obtuse dialogue and semi-absurd plots, but it's been rewarding all the same. One of my favorite finds is the cover for Uncanny X-Men #124. Behold!

To anyone who claims that the X-Men can be an analogy for Cold War paranoia, with the X-Men representing American communists targeted by the Red Scare, I say BULLCRAP!

Just look at that commie menace! Not only is Colossus wearing red overalls and work hat, but he's got a mess of soviet symbols adorning his chest: A portrait of Lenin, a hammer and sickle and the acronym CCCP (the Russian version of "USSR"). He's a ~~working~~ killing machine!!!

And his new codename is the (Power-Mad) Proletarian!!! It doesn't get much more perfect than that.

Banshee cuts to the chase

2006-09-22T09:28:00.000-05:00

From Uncanny X-Men #132: After spending all night worrying about Jean Grey and the sudden influx in her power as the Phoenix, Moria McTaggart is found by Banshee (a.k.a. Sean Cassidy), who knows how to ease her troubles.

Oh Sean, you lovable, horny Irish sterotype!!!